Cobwebs on the Coochie!!!

Cobwebs on the Coochie

It’s been a minute and it’s gonna be another minute before I let anyone water my garden. Crass, right? No, not at all. Why is it that grown folks find it so taboo to speak of the most primal, natural action between humans? It’s only sex. Or, is it? Is there more to this act than we’re letting on? Well, I guess it depends on who you’re talking to. Ask a single woman who’s not getting any and wants some and she’ll tell you that we place too much emphasis on the importance of sex. She may say it’s overrated. Yeah, because you’re not getting any. LOL. Ask a single woman who’s getting it on a regular basis and doesn’t want  a commitment and she’ll tell you that it’s not all that but it helps her bide the time. Ask a committed woman and she’ll tell you it’s the most beautiful thing she could engage in. Ask a man and he’ll look at you like you have two heads. LOL. Ask me and I ‘ll ask, ‘what’s the big hooplah?’

Well, no matter how we look at it, at some point in time, we’ve done it, will do it, are doing it.  At this point in my 30 something, single and fabulous (most of the time ) life, I must say, sex is not on my agenda and to be honest, I’m okay with that. Did she really just say that? Did she really just put her business out there on front street like that? Yep. I sure did. Why should I be ashamed to say I’m focused on me, the temple that is my body and the church that is my mind? Why should I be ashamed to say that right now, it’s all about me finding my happiness, alone, so that when my Boaz comes along, I can say, ‘Hey B, I kept it right for you.’ I’m crazy, right? Yep, I am. Crazy about myself.

So, let’s talk about sex, huh?! (Past blog plug). It’s great, isn’t it? It is, if it’s with the right person(s). It’s great if you have that emotional attachment. It’s great if you find a freak like you. It’s great if he leaves right after because you only considered him a one-night stand. It’s great if you’re in a relationship and you can’t wait for him to come over so you can try that new thing you read in Cosmo while at work or those new sex toys you bought at Cirella’s (another blog plug). It’s great! It’s great! It’s great! And because sex is so great, that’s exactly why I’m not having it. I won’t and can’t just have sex ‘just because’. I refuse.

Let me tell you why. I get too involved. I don’t view sex as just an act. I view it like I would a recipe for mac and cheese. I love me some mac and cheese. I don’t use just any pasta. I use penne. It’s thicker and has those indentations that the cheese can cling to. I like my penne al dente. Macaroni doesn’t stand up to being boiled too long. Penne can. When you boil penne, it doesn’t fall apart. It stands up to the heat and the bubbling of the cheese. I don’t use just any cheese. I use a combination. I may use some Velvetta, because it’s creamy. I’ll add that to some sharp cheddar. I like the tang. I’ve gotta have some Colby. Nothing like a little marbling with flavor. And, for good measure and a crusty top, I need my parmesan. I like my mac and cheese cheesy! The cheesier the better. And I have a process. I don’t just throw the ingredients together. I measure out, I take temperature into consideration. I’m patient, because I know how much I love my mac and cheese and I know that if it doesn’t come out right, I’m gonna toss it right in the trash. So, I’m patient. And after it’s baked, when the cheese if threatening to bubble over, I remove it from the oven and let it sit and simmer before I cut into it. That’s how I think of my sex. I’m patient. I don’t just have it because I’m hungry. I have a purpose and I don’t just eat anybody’s mac and cheese. No Sirreee. You have to make some good mac and cheese for me to take out my knife and fork ;-)

What do I do to keep my mind off sex? Nothing. I was never an addict. Now, don’t get me wrong (and I’m going to be crass for a second-sorry), but when it comes to sex, I ain’t no straggler. I can hold my own. That’s another reason I don’t give my jewels away all willy-nilly. Only the deserving can say they’ve been in my flower garden. And if you no longer rake my lawn, you probably won’t ever again. And that number remains low. Don’t get it twisted, people. I ain’t no ho’(did you get my pun? Garden-ho? Whatever.). LOL. I take pride in myself and you better believe that when I make mac and cheese, I’m stingy with it. When you love mac and cheese like I do, I don’t just share it with anyone.

What was your damn point woman? Well, I just wanted to say that it’s okay if you’re not having sex. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re missing out , that your coochie is drying up, that you must be so unhappy because you’re single and not having sex. B.S. Focus on you and find that same explosive pleasure in other things. I do. I enjoy the other things in life: companionship, adventure, getting up and going, blogging, getting in touch with me, friendship, work, being appreciative of my blessings, having a carefree, fun life, having fun because I can and when you’ve got all that going on, trust me, sex is the last thing you’re thinking of and when those fools come knocking on my door, and they do, I can, without hesitation tell them, ‘thanks for the offer but I’ve got my own mac and cheese going in the oven’.

Just saying.

Walk good.