My ID, your EGO

 You can’t control me! I won’t let you! You may be the horse but I’m the rider. You may have physical control over where you take me but I have the reigns right now and I’m just letting you think you’ve got the ultimate control.   

Maybe it's because I'm a Taurus. Could be. It could be because of what I've experienced in my life. Whatever did it, I am who I am and by the looks of it, I'm not going to change. I'm head-strong. I'm stubborn. I come off as abrasive and as such, I've been told I'm intimidating and unapproachable. Me!? Go figure. I don't see it but I keep hearing it, so there has to be some truth to it, right? Probably. 

I'm not controlling. I just like to have control. Big difference. I like to know what’s going on with every facet of my life. I'm not possessive. I just like to know that what's mine is mine. After all, whatever or whomever I’m giving my time and energy is an investment and with me, I want full return on what I put in.

When you say you're going to do something, I expect it to be done and in a timely fashion. I do the same. I don’t ask for what I’m not willing to provide. I want to be kept happy. I don’t have to be doing cartwheels at all times but I want to be resting on cloud 9 at the thought of you. I like to be appreciated; my id takes charge and looks for gratification elsewhere if I see that my efforts aren’t being acknowledged. Well, that's what Freud said in a roundabout way. 

I know exactly why I’m single. My damn id and my ego are constantly at war. And when my id meets an ego that matches my ego, it’s a no go.

My id is the impulsive and unconscious part of my psyche which responds directly and immediately to the instincts. Here’s a way to break it down. The personality of the newborn child is all id and only later does it develop into an ego. The baby cries until it’s fed or held and doesn’t know that it’s a form of manipulation. That’s how my id is ;-)

By definition--The id demands immediate satisfaction and when this happens, we experience pleasure; when it is denied we experience ‘unpleasure’ or pain. The id is not affected by reality, logic or the everyday world.

“On the contrary, it operates on the pleasure principle (Freud, 1920g) which is the idea that every wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately, regardless of the consequences”.

Hilarious! Because that’s how I operate. I want what I want and I want it now. If I don’t get it, I either demand it or move on to someone or something that will give it to me. That’s not a great way to gain and keep new relationships, is it? I know that and I am a work in progress. On the up-side, I’d love to meet a man who can handle my greedy id because he has a strong and confident ego. (Beyonce’s-Ego, comes to mind).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want a man who’s full of himself, especially if he has no reason to be ;-) I’ve met those.  I want a man who is confident enough to know his worth and definitely mine. A man who knows that together, we can move mountains. That’s the ego I’m talking about. The ego that will shut me up with a  hug or kiss because I’m going on and on, arguing about something that we can’t change. A man who will hold me tight and tell me, with love, ‘shut up honey. I’ll take care of it. It’s going to be okay.” That’s the ego I want.

By definition—“Initially the ego is “that part of the id which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world” (Freud 1923).  The ego develops in order to mediate between the unrealistic id and the external real world. Ideally, the ego works by reason, whereas the id is chaotic and totally unreasonable.  The ego operates according to the reality principle, working our realistic ways of satisfying the id’s demands, often compromising or postponing satisfaction”.

So, there you have it. My id is demanding, greedy and needs immediate gratification and his ego sees the realistic, the reasonable and seeks to decrease the chaos and likes to satisfy. How perfect would we be? He can take me off that ledge. He can talk me down when I’m out of control. He can look me in the eye, tell me when I’m wrong and that he loves me at the same time. He can pay me compliments because he means them and is not intimidated. I want my ego! And, I want him NOW!!! That’s my id talking ;-)

Like the id, the ego seeks pleasure and avoids pain but unlike the id the ego is concerned with devising a realistic strategy to obtain pleasure.  I just go find my own happiness if no one is there to give it to me. I don’t need someone to make me happy but it sure would be nice to enhance that happiness. Again, I’m greedy and my id won’t allow me to sit around and wait. I’m a go-getter and he better be too. He should be spontaneous and accepting of my spontaneity.

I’ll make no excuses. NONE! I am who I am and that’s it. Take it or leave it. Just kidding. I’m working on me and that takes a while. I know I have flaws and I’ve acknowledged those flaws. So when I meet my perfect half-the ego, he better bring it!!!

Often, the ego is weak relative to the head-strong id and the best the ego can do is stay on, pointing the id in the right direction and claiming some credit at the end as if the action were its own. Crazy right….but I’ll tell you what, you’ll be happy. No doubt about it ;-) Just let me do what I do and come along for the ride.

My ID, your EGO! We got this. Just know your role and I’ll stay in my lane. The ego has no concept of right or wrong; something is good simply if it achieves its end of satisfying without causing harm to itself or to the id. So, basically, as long as we’re both happy, who cares how we got there? ;-)