Cobwebs on the Coochie!!!

Cobwebs on the Coochie

It’s been a minute and it’s gonna be another minute before I let anyone water my garden. Crass, right? No, not at all. Why is it that grown folks find it so taboo to speak of the most primal, natural action between humans? It’s only sex. Or, is it? Is there more to this act than we’re letting on? Well, I guess it depends on who you’re talking to. Ask a single woman who’s not getting any and wants some and she’ll tell you that we place too much emphasis on the importance of sex. She may say it’s overrated. Yeah, because you’re not getting any. LOL. Ask a single woman who’s getting it on a regular basis and doesn’t want  a commitment and she’ll tell you that it’s not all that but it helps her bide the time. Ask a committed woman and she’ll tell you it’s the most beautiful thing she could engage in. Ask a man and he’ll look at you like you have two heads. LOL. Ask me and I ‘ll ask, ‘what’s the big hooplah?’

Well, no matter how we look at it, at some point in time, we’ve done it, will do it, are doing it.  At this point in my 30 something, single and fabulous (most of the time ) life, I must say, sex is not on my agenda and to be honest, I’m okay with that. Did she really just say that? Did she really just put her business out there on front street like that? Yep. I sure did. Why should I be ashamed to say I’m focused on me, the temple that is my body and the church that is my mind? Why should I be ashamed to say that right now, it’s all about me finding my happiness, alone, so that when my Boaz comes along, I can say, ‘Hey B, I kept it right for you.’ I’m crazy, right? Yep, I am. Crazy about myself.

So, let’s talk about sex, huh?! (Past blog plug). It’s great, isn’t it? It is, if it’s with the right person(s). It’s great if you have that emotional attachment. It’s great if you find a freak like you. It’s great if he leaves right after because you only considered him a one-night stand. It’s great if you’re in a relationship and you can’t wait for him to come over so you can try that new thing you read in Cosmo while at work or those new sex toys you bought at Cirella’s (another blog plug). It’s great! It’s great! It’s great! And because sex is so great, that’s exactly why I’m not having it. I won’t and can’t just have sex ‘just because’. I refuse.

Let me tell you why. I get too involved. I don’t view sex as just an act. I view it like I would a recipe for mac and cheese. I love me some mac and cheese. I don’t use just any pasta. I use penne. It’s thicker and has those indentations that the cheese can cling to. I like my penne al dente. Macaroni doesn’t stand up to being boiled too long. Penne can. When you boil penne, it doesn’t fall apart. It stands up to the heat and the bubbling of the cheese. I don’t use just any cheese. I use a combination. I may use some Velvetta, because it’s creamy. I’ll add that to some sharp cheddar. I like the tang. I’ve gotta have some Colby. Nothing like a little marbling with flavor. And, for good measure and a crusty top, I need my parmesan. I like my mac and cheese cheesy! The cheesier the better. And I have a process. I don’t just throw the ingredients together. I measure out, I take temperature into consideration. I’m patient, because I know how much I love my mac and cheese and I know that if it doesn’t come out right, I’m gonna toss it right in the trash. So, I’m patient. And after it’s baked, when the cheese if threatening to bubble over, I remove it from the oven and let it sit and simmer before I cut into it. That’s how I think of my sex. I’m patient. I don’t just have it because I’m hungry. I have a purpose and I don’t just eat anybody’s mac and cheese. No Sirreee. You have to make some good mac and cheese for me to take out my knife and fork ;-)

What do I do to keep my mind off sex? Nothing. I was never an addict. Now, don’t get me wrong (and I’m going to be crass for a second-sorry), but when it comes to sex, I ain’t no straggler. I can hold my own. That’s another reason I don’t give my jewels away all willy-nilly. Only the deserving can say they’ve been in my flower garden. And if you no longer rake my lawn, you probably won’t ever again. And that number remains low. Don’t get it twisted, people. I ain’t no ho’(did you get my pun? Garden-ho? Whatever.). LOL. I take pride in myself and you better believe that when I make mac and cheese, I’m stingy with it. When you love mac and cheese like I do, I don’t just share it with anyone.

What was your damn point woman? Well, I just wanted to say that it’s okay if you’re not having sex. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re missing out , that your coochie is drying up, that you must be so unhappy because you’re single and not having sex. B.S. Focus on you and find that same explosive pleasure in other things. I do. I enjoy the other things in life: companionship, adventure, getting up and going, blogging, getting in touch with me, friendship, work, being appreciative of my blessings, having a carefree, fun life, having fun because I can and when you’ve got all that going on, trust me, sex is the last thing you’re thinking of and when those fools come knocking on my door, and they do, I can, without hesitation tell them, ‘thanks for the offer but I’ve got my own mac and cheese going in the oven’.

Just saying.

Walk good. 

Is this fool ignoring my texts?

Should you text back?

Seriously dude! I texted you two hours ago and this was after you texted me first. What the hell?!  See now, that makes me mad. What’s this little game you’re playing? Is this a power thing? Are you trying to see if you can get me to jump? Or, were you bored when you sent it and now, you magically found something that’s occupying your time? Whatever the case, it’s getting on my damn nerves. Did you not read my blog, ‘My ID, your EGO’? Well, get on it and then, maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from ;-)

So, ladies, we like immediate gratification. We’re those people who are working online and have to click the refresh button for instant updating. That progress bar that stays on 74% for too long drives us crazy. I know it does for me. I want it and I want it now!! So, that overdue text isn’t going to work for me and if you do it to me, I’m doing it back to you so you can see what it feels like. Call me petty or childish. I don’t really give a damn. It’s a matter of respect. My time is precious and I don’t have it to waste, waiting on a response to something you initiated in the first place. So, if it takes you two days to respond to my asking when you want to meet up because you asked me out, I’m taking six days to respond to your text asking me if you can come over tonight. I’m cheeky. Oh well!

Here are a few scenarios, ladies where you don’t have to think about whether you should text him back or not: Holla at ya girl and please add your own to the list. I love input.

So, what’d you think? Makes sense. I think so. Don’t need a manual to figure these out, guys. So, get your fingers out your ass and off the damn PS3 remote and respond to my damn text messages. LOL!!!

Just saying

Walk good ;-)

Kiss MY ass for a change!

I just saw and read ‘Think like a man’ and I felt about the movie how I felt about the book. Disgusted! Yes, the movie was hilarious and the cast had my damn hormones in an uproar but….why do we women always have to cater to these men? Why the hell can’t they cater to us? Why can’t our happiness dictate theirs instead of always vice versa? If you want to get married, you have to……blah, blah, blah. If you want him to commit, you have to…..blah, blah, blah. If you want him to be faithful, you have to….blah, blah, blah. If you want him to surprise you with flowers, you have to…blah, blah, blah. If you want him to tell you he loves you, you have to…blah, blah, blah. Sick of it! Why can’t I just be my damn self and that be enough?

I’ve always been a giver. Some may disagree but screw you. I know me. I’ve always been very kind, giving, romantic, creative and as such, my significant other could always count on something fun, romantic, freaky even. That sucka would never be bored. Here’s the catch. I would find myself being the only one thinking up things to do and after a while, it got old. I would get tired of always thinking of things to do, places to go and things to try. There was this one ex….THE EX. He was pretty good with the surprises and I have to give him props. So, shout out to you E. I know you’re sneaking in here and reading my blogs ;-) You always had me with the surprises: the roses, flowers, gifts, outings and I actually miss you for that ;-( Okay, enough of that mess. Let’s not digress.

Just read an article in Cosmo about how women can get their men out of a funk. Nowhere in there was an article about how he could get me out of a funk. And, don’t tell me that men don’t read Cosmo. That’s a damn lie. And, if they don’t, they need to start. Men get stuck in supermarket checkout lines too. I included the article just below here. Read it and tell me what you think.

So, according to the article, in order to keep a happy man, I have to make sure my man is chilled, pumped up, surprised, spaced and fed. To be honest, it’s not a big deal for me to do that but damn, can I girl get some of that back? Can he make sure I’m chilled, pumped, surprised, spaced and fed…not just when it’s Valentine’s day, when I’m mad and you’re trying to make up or because it’s my birthday? Can I get these things ‘just because’? Just saying, or rather, just asking.

I remember back in the days when my young boos would write me little love letters. I miss that. Damn technology but a damper on that; email, texting and sexting took over and men find it hard to even do those things. My young boos would pick a random flower and bring it to me….even if the flower was a weed that would later break out my skin ;-) It was the thought that counted and nowadays, guys don’t really give it a thought…probably because they don’t have to. We don’t ‘require’ them to. And, so, in order for us ladies to get what we want, we have to resort to trickery, ie: Steve Harvey’s ‘Think like a man’. I mean, come on now. It’s not that hard, is it? Nope! And I’ll speak for women as a whole. Ladies, may I?

Is the alternative a better route to take, where you leave her craving those simple things, wanting them from you, not getting them from you and going to someone else for satisfaction and then, here comes your dumb ass, when you realize that you’ve lost her and it could have been avoided, begging her to come back-and she may take you back and guess what you do? The same damn thing and then she gets sick of it and leaves for good. Is that what you really want men? Didn’t think so. So, just step up. Take her out for date night like she’s been asking for for about six months now,  cook for her and light a candle or two, get her those damn flowers she’s been hinting at since dirt was a boy. Write her that sweet email that you know will make her swoon. Buy those inexpensive concert tickets to see that artist she’ll fantasize about while she’d rocking the hell out of your world. Plan that picnic in the park that she’ll do cartwheels about because she’s always wanted to make out with you on the grass. And, best of all, guys, say those words you know will make her melt and give you more power than you know how to deal with. But, make sure you mean it when you say it ;-)

                                   Just saying

Walk good!

You're too far baby. I can't smell nor taste you.

He’s so far away. I don’t know when I’ll see him. What I do know is that I can’t wait until I do. He stays on my mind and it’s not enough for me to think I stay on his. I can’t reach over and playfully grab his fingers; I can’t touch his skin nor can I smell his manliness. I can’t enjoy his arms around me, nor his lips caressing mine.

I can only hear his voice; I can see his face. I can see his smile; I can watch his lips move as he says those words I want to hear. But, I can’t smell his breath; I can’t lay beside him. I can’t whisper into his ear so he can feel my breath. I can’t…..I can’t….I can’t….and it drives me insane.

Why do people bother with long distance relationships? Seriously! They’re about enough to drive you insane. But, there’s something about them that appeal to some. I’m just not sure I fall into that category. I’m too greedy. I like having the physical. I like the intimacy, the closeness. I’m a true romantic and I love the feel of skin to skin, breath on skin, warmth against skin. I love skin and the only way for me to have skin is to have the owner of said skin right here beside me.

But, there are times that the ones we crave aren’t close to us, damn, maybe not even in the same country and I’ll tell you what…..that sucks! That sucks big ones. It’s like God is playing a sick joke when he puts someone you mesh with so well, someone who compliments your emotions so well...he puts them so far away that all you can do is imagine, imagine what could be because in your heart of hearts, you know that it just can’t work. Or can it?

I’ve heard beautiful stories of long distance relationships. Yup, some of those do exist but it takes a different type of couple to pull it off. They both have to be in that place in life where they want a committed relationship. They both have to respect each other’s feelings. They both have to respect each other. They both have to understand the difficulties that come with such a sacrifice. They both have to care genuinely about each other. They both have to see the benefits that will shine through in the long run. They both have to want it and want it bad. They both have to appreciate each other and know what they have in the other person. They both have to make sacrifices, be patient and have other things to occupy their time, without pushing them to someone else more tangible. They both have to be positive thinkers and they both have to ultimately see the light at the end of this long distance tunnel. So, it’s possible but it’s a lot of work.

Here’s what happens. It starts off hot and heavy. You’re skyping, having skype-sex, calling, having phone-sex, emailing, having email-sex, all the time and it’s all cute, until one person stops calling, emailing, skyping as much. That other person who was gung ho before sees this as either an excuse to get out or they assume the other person has lost interest and they, in turn, pull back-sometimes so far back that it’s unfixable. Both people need to come to a clear understanding of each other’s schedules and time. They must both understand the things that could cut into their time, the things that could arise and pull them a little bit further apart. What a challenge! Sheesh! How do people do it!?

I know you’re wondering why I didn’t mention the most important element of a long distance relationship-TRUST! Well, I was going to, if you would have only been patient. Geez! Trust-yep, self explanatory, right? No. This topic warrants a step back and some serious thought. Trust is important in any relationship but more so in a long distance relationship. Not only do you have to trust that the person isn’t betraying you but you have to trust that they have the same intentions you do. You have to trust that they want what you want. You have to trust that they mean what they say, that when they say they won’t do anything to hurt you that they mean it. You have to trust in your trust too.

Here’s the thing. We’re human. We have yearning, craving, wants and desires. Let’s be realistic. Your man/woman is miles away, so far away that you have to fly to see them. To think they won’t stray or at least have something tangible that they can crawl into bed with every now and then, is ridiculous. Okay, so you can abstain. That’s you. You’re not then. That’s where the trust comes in. If you two want to fool each other and yourself into thinking you can be faithful, go for it, but in the long run, it’s all going to fall apart. How about you both come to an agreement. You want each other. You’re making plans to be together in the long run. You’ll stay in touch on a regular basis but for now, it’s okay to get your silverware polished when it get a little rusty. Be honest and stop jerking each other around.  Say it and say it clearly. And, the most important part, you have to mean it. You have to mean it when you say, ‘Okay babe, I understand. I won’t get crazy with jealousy. I won’t cut you off. I won’t end our relationship because you’ve got a piece on the side’. Because, if you two really are what you say you are, you’ll know where you stand. You’ll know that you are on the front burner; he/she is just cooking up a little snack on the back burners right now.

It’s a tough pill to swallow. Damn thing might gag you but you must know what you want and if it’s worth it. Oh boy! As if it isn’t hard enough already to find a partner. My advice to you. I have no advice. To each his own. You know how much you heart can stand. You know how deep your feelings go. You know you and don’t ever get to thinking that you know her/him. You don’t. You don’t know what people are capable of when put in certain situations. You don’t know what a serious yen or jones can make a person so. With long distance relationships, you’re going in blind and feeling your way around. Good luck! Dare i?

My ID, your EGO

 You can’t control me! I won’t let you! You may be the horse but I’m the rider. You may have physical control over where you take me but I have the reigns right now and I’m just letting you think you’ve got the ultimate control.   

Maybe it's because I'm a Taurus. Could be. It could be because of what I've experienced in my life. Whatever did it, I am who I am and by the looks of it, I'm not going to change. I'm head-strong. I'm stubborn. I come off as abrasive and as such, I've been told I'm intimidating and unapproachable. Me!? Go figure. I don't see it but I keep hearing it, so there has to be some truth to it, right? Probably. 

I'm not controlling. I just like to have control. Big difference. I like to know what’s going on with every facet of my life. I'm not possessive. I just like to know that what's mine is mine. After all, whatever or whomever I’m giving my time and energy is an investment and with me, I want full return on what I put in.

When you say you're going to do something, I expect it to be done and in a timely fashion. I do the same. I don’t ask for what I’m not willing to provide. I want to be kept happy. I don’t have to be doing cartwheels at all times but I want to be resting on cloud 9 at the thought of you. I like to be appreciated; my id takes charge and looks for gratification elsewhere if I see that my efforts aren’t being acknowledged. Well, that's what Freud said in a roundabout way. 

I know exactly why I’m single. My damn id and my ego are constantly at war. And when my id meets an ego that matches my ego, it’s a no go.

My id is the impulsive and unconscious part of my psyche which responds directly and immediately to the instincts. Here’s a way to break it down. The personality of the newborn child is all id and only later does it develop into an ego. The baby cries until it’s fed or held and doesn’t know that it’s a form of manipulation. That’s how my id is ;-)

By definition--The id demands immediate satisfaction and when this happens, we experience pleasure; when it is denied we experience ‘unpleasure’ or pain. The id is not affected by reality, logic or the everyday world.

“On the contrary, it operates on the pleasure principle (Freud, 1920g) which is the idea that every wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately, regardless of the consequences”.

Hilarious! Because that’s how I operate. I want what I want and I want it now. If I don’t get it, I either demand it or move on to someone or something that will give it to me. That’s not a great way to gain and keep new relationships, is it? I know that and I am a work in progress. On the up-side, I’d love to meet a man who can handle my greedy id because he has a strong and confident ego. (Beyonce’s-Ego, comes to mind).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want a man who’s full of himself, especially if he has no reason to be ;-) I’ve met those.  I want a man who is confident enough to know his worth and definitely mine. A man who knows that together, we can move mountains. That’s the ego I’m talking about. The ego that will shut me up with a  hug or kiss because I’m going on and on, arguing about something that we can’t change. A man who will hold me tight and tell me, with love, ‘shut up honey. I’ll take care of it. It’s going to be okay.” That’s the ego I want.

By definition—“Initially the ego is “that part of the id which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world” (Freud 1923).  The ego develops in order to mediate between the unrealistic id and the external real world. Ideally, the ego works by reason, whereas the id is chaotic and totally unreasonable.  The ego operates according to the reality principle, working our realistic ways of satisfying the id’s demands, often compromising or postponing satisfaction”.

So, there you have it. My id is demanding, greedy and needs immediate gratification and his ego sees the realistic, the reasonable and seeks to decrease the chaos and likes to satisfy. How perfect would we be? He can take me off that ledge. He can talk me down when I’m out of control. He can look me in the eye, tell me when I’m wrong and that he loves me at the same time. He can pay me compliments because he means them and is not intimidated. I want my ego! And, I want him NOW!!! That’s my id talking ;-)

Like the id, the ego seeks pleasure and avoids pain but unlike the id the ego is concerned with devising a realistic strategy to obtain pleasure.  I just go find my own happiness if no one is there to give it to me. I don’t need someone to make me happy but it sure would be nice to enhance that happiness. Again, I’m greedy and my id won’t allow me to sit around and wait. I’m a go-getter and he better be too. He should be spontaneous and accepting of my spontaneity.

I’ll make no excuses. NONE! I am who I am and that’s it. Take it or leave it. Just kidding. I’m working on me and that takes a while. I know I have flaws and I’ve acknowledged those flaws. So when I meet my perfect half-the ego, he better bring it!!!

Often, the ego is weak relative to the head-strong id and the best the ego can do is stay on, pointing the id in the right direction and claiming some credit at the end as if the action were its own. Crazy right….but I’ll tell you what, you’ll be happy. No doubt about it ;-) Just let me do what I do and come along for the ride.

My ID, your EGO! We got this. Just know your role and I’ll stay in my lane. The ego has no concept of right or wrong; something is good simply if it achieves its end of satisfying without causing harm to itself or to the id. So, basically, as long as we’re both happy, who cares how we got there? ;-)

I don't like bruised fruit!

I’m picky. I like my guys like I like my fruit. I try to get mine from the fruit market, not the supermarket. Better quality at the fruit market. That's what they specialize in, so I trust they have better variety and quality. I don’t like my fruit too ripe; I like to let them ripen up a bit each day, walk by and smell what promises to be a delectable treat. Nothing like the smell of fresh fruit, ripening. I love a variety-a nice fruit salad, where the flavors mingle and mesh and dance on my tongue. Some are tart, some sweet, some a bit sour; I can do without the bitter apple though. I come across those a lot and they leave that horrible taste on the back of your tongue-you know, the one that makes you nauseous. Those are the fruits I accidentally pick when I don't spend time checking them, smelling them, shaking them. They seem okay upon first glance and because I need that quick potassium or vitamin C my body is craving, I just go with what's on sale and then regret it when I get them home. No take-backs. You can't return bad fruit. I've tried. 

I like bananas; I didn’t used to. I hated bananas because of how they looked when they were too ripe. They tend to ripen too quickly and go bad even quicker. They have those black spots that tell you they're getting too ripe and may need to use them quickly. I don't like those. Funny-I was eating a banana last weekend and I bit out and threw away the dark part, habitual thing, the extra ripe part, and my brothers looked at me and asked what I was doing because the bruised part was the sweetest part. I just couldn’t and still can’t wrap my mind around that. All I see is the bruised fruit and in my mind, it can’t be good and besides, it's too mushy, feels weird in my mouth. I’d been biting and throwing away that part  of the banana all my life. I find it hard to change now. Maybe I need to, huh?

I’ll try new fruit. The exotic Dragonfruit comes to
mind, beautiful on the outside and inside but the taste, not so palatable-rather bland. The guava, oh, the guava, I love the sour, tangy sweetness. An island favorite. I’d gotten used to the fruits that are here in the US and forgotten those tropical pleasures of my island home, the naseberry, the starapple, the june plum-that was until I went back home recently and took them all in, slowly nibbling and savoring, gently peeling and allowing the juices to warm the back of my tongue and move slowly down my throat. Aaah, nothing like a good, juicy mango. I love my Jamaican fruits.

But, I need to have my fruit in proper portions. Yes, fruit is healthy and great, but in moderation. I tend to overdo it when I’m in the fruit mood and then, from one extreme to the other, I go on a fruit starvation diet, where I have no fruit at all. I need to learn to make fruit a part of my daily diet. I think I may even need to give that bruised banana a chance. I just may like it and if I don’t, I’m not forced to eat it again. 

Maybe that bruised fruit is exactly what I need. That bruised fruit that I'd been spitting out could turn out to be my fruit of choice. You never know until you try, right? That's what life is about, I suppose, trying new fruit, throwing away the fruit that doesn't work for you, once you've given it a fair chance and keeping the fruit that does work-the fruit that makes those luscious smoothies that you so crave and savor. 

Aaaah, fruit. 

You're weak if you can't handle a strong woman!

LOL. I laugh every time I think about the men out there who are intimidated by a strong woman. And, yes, they're out there. I'm not putting a race to the face, but we all know them, that is if you yourself are a strong, independent woman-a woman who doesn't need a man to make her happy.

Usually when others hear me say that, all I hear is that if I don't need a man, what's the problem then? Hey, there is a difference between wanting and needing. Any man should be glad that a woman wants him around, not needs him around. Who wants to totally depend on someone else? Not me, I'll tell you that. Yes, I get the whole thing about partnership and I'm all for it, with the right person. Not the idiot who is so insecure reminiscing on what he should have had, could have had and wants to have. That fool who makes excuses for why he is where he is and not where he should be.

I met a guy a couple of months ago who was so lost and uncomfortable in his own skin. We got along great until I realized that he resented me for what he thought I had and the bills he thought I didn't have. This fool was so stuck on watching what I was doing that he started to dislike me. I thought it was so sad to listen to him complain every single time he was around me and compare his life to mine. Dude, you made your choices and I made mine. I'm a woman and you're a man. I will not apologize for my hard work and for my not needing a man to pay my bills and keep me afloat.

Little did this fool know that I was willing to help him be all he thought he could be-ARMY style. Yeah, I'm all about teamwork. I knew how strong we could have been together, had he taken his head out of his ass and stopped measuring his penis to my potential. I find him weak and all like him are weak also. What grown ass man is jealous of the woman they're with? What grown ass man sits around resenting a strong woman for her hard work and accomplishments? What grown ass man says, 'I wish I was like you', 'you can get up and go and I can't', 'you got money like that; I don't', instead of taking the opportunities in front of him for a beautiful partnership where he knew his back was protected and if push came to shove, he had a strong woman who could hold it down until he got back on his feet? Idiot!

But, hey, thank God that fool is outta here. And any other that comes across my path will get the boot also. No hesitation. My man Neyo said it best. Check out the words to the song. I mean, really check them out and if you're one of those weak men I spoke of earlier, maybe this will shine some light on what you're missing out on and what you should appreciate. Too little, too late, however but maybe this will help you for the next independent woman you think of hating on.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/miss-independent-lyrics-neyo.html  Miss Independent Lyrics. You go Neyo! Love this. 

I'm still here....

...and I'm still single. I've resigned to the fact that I kinda want to be, unconsciously ;-) I keep meeting people who are inaccessible, whether it be mentally, financially or emotionally-actually, in distance too. I don't know if it's a subconscious thing, where I know it won't work so I set myself up or maybe I just hate the thought of someone always being there. Note to self: do a self eval.

So, that's why I've been MIA. I was distracted for a minute with what I like to call, God's test of my patience. But, I finally found release and I'm back baby. And, I can't tell you how good it feels to be back-back to blogging. Back to sharing my thoughts with you all. I've missed you. Did you miss me?

Stay tuned. I got something for your asses and I hope you like it and will continue to follow my blogs. I so love when you do.