~Some say the EX makes the sex spec-ta-cu-lar....I say, bunk that! Leave that mess alone!!!

Biggie Smalls is still the Illest!

The ex texted me today. No, not any ex-boyfriend. THE EX! The only person I have ever adored to the point of pure insanity and the only person I probably ever will care for that way again. It's been two years now, almost, since THE END but only a year and a half since I saw him last. I know a year and a half seems like a long time to not see someone but in this case, it's not long enough. After six years, you need at least two to break free in your own head and honestly say you're FREE to love again. As a matter of fact, it took me two years to break up with him. When you're that involved with someone, when they are that much a part of you, just saying it's over doesn't make it so. It takes planning. It takes lies, it takes downright devious behavior to truly get someone you love out of your life for good. Am I free? I am. I can truly say that...unequivocally! As long as I never see him again ;-) LMAO! Just kidding! (All jest, no truth here)

So, what did he want? Not a damn thing. He wanted to ask how I was, tell me he loves me, that I'm still the best (at everything-duh, I know that-took him to not have me to realize) and to tell me how he's doing and that he misses me and he'll be in town for a few days next month and would like to see me. He tends to do this every few months or so (It used to be scary because he lived fifteen minutes away but he's now moved to another state-at my behest, no less). Gone are the days, however, where I would look forward to that call or text. Gone are the days when I'd long for our on again, off again escapades. I'm too old for that mess. An ex is an ex is an ex-and an ex should remain just that-an ex, not an ex-change nor an ex-pansion nor an ex-perience, nor should they get an ex-planation, nor should you share an ex-periment or an exploration. An ex should be an ex-traction, an ex-termination, an exclamation, an ex-haustion! It's not easy, I know. Ultimately....

Unfortunately!

So, what do you do when you can't seem to move on? Well, the rule of thumb is to know that you can and will, in time. Fight through the tears and sleepless nights. Struggle through the endless emotions and reminiscing. Wrestle the reminders, the comparisons. This too shall pass. What you don't want to do is the classic 'rebound' because one of three things could happen: you end up hurting them (the new person), you end up getting hurt or you end up being an unplanned parent :-) If you're not ready, or you're just not sure...take some time for you-get to know you again, the you you were before the ex...the you you used to love before the ex came along...the you you will be again once you're over the ex.

How do I know when that has happened? That I'm over him/her?

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/Relationships/lizurrd/are-you-ready-for-a-new-relationship/ 

 


Believe it or not...it's possible. With time and a new love interest.

"I see you got married or are at least engaged," he said. I asked him why he said that and was told that he saw a picture where I had a ring on my 'ring' finger. I neither denied nor confirmed his assumption. Two reasons-I didn't want him to think that I was sitting around waiting for him (like I thought I always would-he told me so many times that we'd always be together, regardless-what the hell does that mean?) and I didn't want him to think the door was open for him to come back in (like he always did for years). So, I let him think whatever he wanted to and I also hoped that he had created an extensive, elaborate story about how I got engaged or married ;-)

It used to bother me that I wasn't engaged or married. When HE and I first broke up, I was hell bent on finding someone to move on with, someone to replace him. I went about it all wrong. I ended up breaking hearts (yes, me) and wasting time with people I normally wouldn't give a second look. Okay, maybe it wasn't a waste of time. I now feel and see that each person I came across served a purpose and had a reason for that season-and in their own way, they helped me get past that 'dangerous love and obsession I swore I would never get over.' So, thank you guys :-) Ya did good!!!! And I am so sorry if I am now a horrible memory you can't shake :-(   But, like I said, it USED TO bother me that I wasn't engaged or married. Now, I know that it just wasn't my time yet. People used to date me. No, not take me out but tell me that I should have been this or I should have been that by now. Well, hey, maybe I could have but I don't believe that I should have becasue it would have been with the wrong person. God is still working on my fella and I'll know him when HE finds me ;-)

So, how will you know Kelz? Well, you know what, I may not know by first sight or for the first few weeks or months for that matter but I'll know....I'll know, because he'll know and he'll show me. I don't have a list of requirements anymore like I used to (that's what kept me from settling down-and I don't regret having that long ass list). I have 'refined' that list to include what is most important to me: humor, ambition, pride, extrovertedness, a love for the Dexmiester, goal oriented, he has to be open to experiment, to travel, to listen. He has to want a family and be able to get along with mine. He has to love Monk and Psych :-) or at least be open to watching them with me and pretending to love Shawn, Gus and Adrian ;-) He has to be over HIS EX-completely. He has to be appreciative of me and my attempts at making him happy. He has to want to make me happy, has to be giving and kind. He has to be creative and romantic. He has to want to make me happy (wait, did I say that already?-it's that important). He has to be comfortable in his own skin-so much so that he can be himself with me, knowing that I will accept and love him for him. He must respect me and readily express his feelings for me. No, dude, you don't have to wait for me to tell you 'I love you' first. When you feel it, say it, damn it! If you feel it on our first date, say it! Our first sleep over, say it! If you miss me, yell it! If you can't wait to see me, exclaim it! Wanna drop me a love note? Please go for it. I love stuff like that. Make me that CD like people did in high school. Send me that love note, check yes or no ;-)  If you can't stand to be away from me, don't wait for an invitation or permission-come to me! In other words, he'll know to be aggressive, to demand my attention and hold it-to do whatever it takes to make that stamp. And I know he will because I will too.

 My ex contacted me today and I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier to be able to communicate with him knowing that he couldn't faze me-not because it's been so long but because someone else has my attention at this time. Would things have been different if I didn't have a boothang/a new interest? Uhm, honestly, I don't know. It all depends on where my mindset would have been if someone else was not occupying my thoughts. Let me clarify-for the past eight months, I've been on cloud 9. I've found myself again. I've been genuinely happy. But, in that eight months, I had 'company'-temporary company but company nontheless-and so, had my ex called, I could have easily dismissed him. They say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I'll tell you what, there is some truth to it, if you get under the right person at the right time. You don't have to have someone to get over someone else but it sure helps/helped. And again, big shout out to.... and ...... You were there for me to show me that it was possible to give a crap again to care again, to possibly love again.



PREACH!

And, now that I'm past all that and over the hooplah of the ex, I'm open and ready to give it another go...when the time is right....when the right person comes along. I wonder if he already has ;-) If he's Mr. Right here, right now, he's got his work cut out for him but those who traveled before you have made your task a lot easier, trust me. I've gone from having that wall all the way up with barbed wires and broken bottles on the top to having the wall up but the gate open ;-) So, come on in but while you're in, don't feel entitled. Don't take advantage. Don't misinterpret my kindness for weakness. Don't mistake me being greedy for your attention and your time for me being needy. Two completely different things-don't get it twisted hombre. I give you attention because you're making me tingle, you're massaging my cerebellum, your tantalizing my senses. So realize who I am and what I bring and know that what you've got has the potential to cause fireworks. I am 'all that' and don't take advantage of the here and now because you keep looking back to the then and once was. An ex is an ex for a reason-can't you read!? It didn't work for a reason and that reason still remains and while you're wasting time, convincing yourself you two are just on a break-you're losing out on what you could have right now. And besides, how disrespectful is it to lead someone on, having them think it's all about them (spending all your time with them, going on dates, conversing hours on end, making future plans, sharing hopes, dreams and desires). Karma is a bitch and that bitch was burned my HER ex ;-) You don't wanna mess with that chick!

So, if you're in a 'relationship' that you think is just for the time being, get the hell out now before you ruin someone for someone else because you're selfish and unsure. And for goodness sake, if you start digging each other, don't fight the feeling because you promised yourself you wouldn't care or love 'like that' again. Go for it! This just may be THE ONE-the LAST ONE!

But, most importantly, leave your drama at the door. Get over yours before you enter because once you leave, if you foolishly do (thinking you want what you already had and lost), there's no coming back and yes, you will regret it. They always do and I always am ready to remind you of what you had WHEN you call or text to tell me 'I'm still the best'  :-)

Holla at ya girl ;-)


As all ex'es should be!

"If you find someone with whom you can laugh, someone who puts you to sleep with a memory and wakes you up with anticipation, whose smell still lingers in your nares, whose voice forces a smile, who evokes feelings you thought were dead, who makes you sad because they're not beside you to make you happy....when you are lucky enough to be given that 2nd/3rd/4th chance to find someone like that.....you let go of the past and you hold on to the hope of that future. You hold on for dear life!" ~Kelly-Ann Fleming~
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What do others have to say about this?

 http://www.dateordisaster.com/donny.html
http://janice.articlealley.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-and-leave-her-alone-1428490.html

How do you know when you're over your ex and ready to move on: 


I remember those days :-)



1. Thinking about your ex less: you realize that you’re no longer thinking of your ex all the time and no longer torturing yourself about what could have been. Even when you do think about your ex from time to time (which is perfectly normal), it doesn’t make you feel sad, angry, hurt, bitter, etc. You may remember the goods times you’ve shared without bursting into tears.

2. Plotting: You’ve accepted that you and your ex are not getting back together, and you’ve stopped praying for reconciliation.
3. Music: You can listen to music that reminds you of your ex without being an emotional wreck. And not all love songs remind you of your ex anymore.
4. Pictures: You can look at old pictures of you and your ex with a sort of detachment. Sure, you may still feel a bit sentimental, but you are not bursting into tears thinking about the good old days, and any setback you feel is brief.
5. Ending the race: You don’t feel the need to prove anything to your ex, e.g., wishing to bump into your ex to show off a hot new “replacement” so that you can prove that you’ve moved on.
6. Not taking revenge: You’re pleased, or at least indifferent, when you hear that you’re ex is doing well, and you’re not secretly celebrating your ex’s misfortune.
7. Looking for him/her wherever you go: You don’t look into shops, bars, or other places where you ex might be, hoping to run into him/her. If you do run into your ex, though, and your heart races a little, it apparently does not mean that you are not over him/her.
8. Revisiting former haunts: You are able to go back to places where you and your ex used to go, which you have been avoiding since the split.
9. Your ex having sex …. with someone else: You can picture your ex having sex with someone else or being in a relationship with someone else, and it doesn’t make you hurt, angry, jealous, or extremely emotional.
10. Reading their horoscope: You’re no longer reading your ex’s horoscope and obsessing over your ex.