Single, black ladies, you've gotta check this out. Okay, you don't have to be single or black to read this. There is something to be said about this piece of literature. Give it a go.
http://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/non-fiction/ralph-richard-banks/marriage-white-people/
You go to school, you work hard, you go to school again. You get that promotion and you keep striving for better. In today's world, that makes you unapproachable or 'un-marryable'. Go figure. So, guys are intimidated by a smart woman. We've been hearing that for a while. What's the kicker is this 'new' finding (okay, not new but now being spoken of). Black women marry beneath themselves. Black women marry men who do not measure up to them simply to get off the single scene and to say that they've got 'someone'. In doing so, they are subject to abuse because, in order for the black man to keep her in check, he has to put her down. He has to convince her that she's not worthy or better otherwise, she would not have been single before he came along. Negro please!
This book states that black women are afraid to step it up and look outside of their race, where it is more likely to find a man more on her level. It has a lot to do with black pride and saving face. I know it sounds ridiculous and to some extent, it is but think about it. White men are more likely to further their education. They're more likely to push for more, to get to the top. I know, I know. There are circumstances that don't allow black men to get to the top-we call it LIFE! On that same note, black men need to strive for more, enhance their education, want more and go get more. You want a strong, educated, intelligent woman? Then, be a strong, educated, intelligent man. Pretty simple, huh? I think so.
On the Doug Banks' morning show, callers made a variety of remarks. One caller said that it had everything to do with culture and slavery. He stated that though women are more intelligent than men, it is due to the fact that they were living in the 'master's' house and was privy to a better type of living. In doing so, the black woman is more likely to be smarter, more intelligent and overall, be more apt to further her education and in turn, make more money. Another caller lamented that black women are too full of themselves and as such can't find a man on their level because men on their level don't want to deal with the 'drama'. 'Two bulls can't reign in the same pen'-Jamaican saying. So, he can't be strong and she can't be strong? How crazy does that sound? You'd think that a strong black man would want a strong black woman-I call that a Powerhouse! But, that's just me. What do I know?! What I do know is that I want it all-I want him strong, intelligent, confident and I can wait-if waiting means that I'll get just that. Yep, I said it!
Well, I will not apologize for being intelligent or wanting more for myself. I make no excuses for not 'settling' just to say I have a man. I've said it before-I love me enough to not settle. I think I'm going to get this book and see what else it entails....if for nothing else, it should make for a few hours of good reading.
5 comments:
So I gotta tag this post w my name cuz for some reason, this silly ID doesn't work (ok, I don't know how to do it! Fine!). Anyhoo, it has nothing to do w slavery, sorry! Man! It's the 21st century! We have to come up w something else as an excuse! Ppl just tan bad! Men feel threatened when their women don't have to ask them for money to do their hair or nails or buy an expensive household item! They walk in and see a Turkish rug or a brand new plasma and right away they think, "What the hay?" So now they are standoffish and start making snide remarks "U don't seem to need me", "I guess u're gonna do it anyway"! Crap! Grow up! Just say "Wow! That's really nice" and then "So how was ur day?". Men are just bothered when u don't run to them for every little thing. Ego issues. That's the truth. It might sound like bashing but I'm just annoyed! The world is changing. Get w it! Some women may marry just to say they have someone, that's their problem! Deal with it! If they prefer to be denigrated than be alone, power to them! I don't even judge ppl based on things like that. It's just not my thing. I always tell my friend's, make a decision and stick w it. But remember, it was ur decision! Peace ppl! I too am thirtysomethingsingle and not-too-sensational but I don't care! Do you have the time to care? Be my guest! Muah! - StacianDavidSpen
I love it!! StacienDavidSpen, you preached it sista. I was just coming on here to add to the post and include the FACT that men are intimidated by an independent woman. God forbid the woman can pay her own bills, get her hair and nails 'did' and ultimately pay for her own way. YOu'd think men would love this. Not only do they get to save their money ;-) but they get to enjoy the treats of a shared income. The vacations are more frequent and possible. The date nights are less stressful and shopping is now a pleasure. But, that's just me.
So, you hit upon a point that I must speak on. Women need to take responsibility for their stupidity and tolerance. If you keep sticking it out, holding on, complaining and staying when you know 'your man', then don't complain. YOu have to set your aim higher. You have to know you are worthy. So, you're more educated, intelligent and independent and you can't find a man who meets your standard. STay single stupid and if you decide to pursue something/someone who you know will not make you happy, then it onus is on you. Shut up and deal with it. Just saying.
Oh, and by the way, you are sensational! No mek dem tell your nuttin'!!!
Eeh Kellz? U would think having a shared income would be a good thing! Noooo! But u know what, like u said, if someone can't accept me for me (sensational and all), and accept that God is still working on me, I don't have the time to waste either. Nowadays, it is becoming more evident that in a relationship, each partner (most times) expect that the other is made-to-fit, ready-done, zapped in the microwave for 30 seconds and when u hear that "ping", it's all done. I have seen my great-grand aunt's second marriage last for 59 years. She just passed and what a loving relationship that was! I feel so blessed to have known that it CAN happen. Well, it doan haffi happen fi me and I would just have to accept that that is my Master's will. We are too evolved for crap. We don't have the time to give it or take it. But u know what they say, men aren't really ready to settle down until they are in their late 30s or early 40s. Hold on yah my girl! This is the time of ur life to do exactly what u are doing! Toodles! - StacianDavidSpen
StaciaandDavidSpen-Girl, it's not about accepting you the way you are. It's about loving the you that is you-great and all. *Note to self-next blog on self confidence*
Girl, I'm not a pro at character checking but I get the feeling you are a handful....handful of love and life. But, your mojo has been stolen. I have to help you find it and bring it back girl.
59 years? Wow! One can only dream. Good for them. It IS possible. That's the point I'm trying to make my friend. I'll wait it out...I'll wait for mine because just as God is fixing me, He's fixing him.
You too missy!
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