Making ME a Priority!

It’s all about ME.  I’m going to make it so. It’s going to be about me: Being MEan, Being MEticulous, Being MEaningful, not being MElancholy nor MElodramatic. I know exactly what I want. No qualms about it but dammit if I can’t go about getting it the right way. It seems I love the hard and narrow and I swear I don’t mean to go that route but it always tends to find me. I guess I leave the door open, huh? I’ll fess up to that. I tend to go for the unattainable and in turn, end up disappointing myself and Kelly hates to disappoint Kelly.

My grass seems so green to some people. I won’t lie. It’s kinda nice over here in my yard. Life’s not so bad.  I get to take trips, shop and not have to worry too much, share fun memories with my family and friends, shuck and jive and I always have a smile on my face. I do well for myself but I didn’t always. If only I could tackle other aspects of my life the way I did and do work and money.  I go hard!!! My weak points, however, weight loss and coupledom and both have been fairly recent. Both have eluded me for a while now. I’d say about a good ten years now.  Up and down. On and off. What I do know is that I don’t want to struggle with those two for another ten.

Let me explain. I’m a get up and go kinda gal. I travel for work and in so doing,  I eat out a lot, I exercise when I’m in the mood. I don’t allow myself to be courted properly. I don’t allow people to get too close and I don’t allow people to stick around. I know it’s my doing and at first, I thought it was my defense mechanism but now, I see that I unconsciously give the vibe that I want to be left alone. I have made it so my life leaves little or no room for a relationship at this point. Well, kinda! I have room for someone who can handle ME, who is patient and understanding, who can handle Kelly the way she is. Did I just go third person? Guess I did. Well, that’s exactly what I mean. I have room for someone who can deal with me being me, doing me and wanting it all, the happiness, the laughter, the great sex, the trips, the courting, the flowers and at no crazy expense to their pocket because I love to share.

Recently, I reconnected with someone who apparently held more room in my heart than I knew. Problem is that he is physically unattainable right now. Along with him, there’s this wonderful, yet difficult guy who’s emotionally unattainable. Both hold a special place in my heart but only one of them tends to give a shit about remaining there, or so he lets on. In time, he’ll faze himself out, if he continues to deny the obvious. Once he phases himself out, it’ll only leave more room for the other guy to ‘get up in there’, for lack of a better term and at that point, I’ll do ‘whatever it takes’. Maybe ;-) I have to know it’s worth the trouble. No sense in getting myself all worked up for nothing.

So, here’s my plan. I’m going to stop focusing on what I can’t have right now and work on making me a better me. I need to learn how to take my ‘go get ‘em’ attitude to a whole other level. I need to learn how to stay true to my word when I say,  “they better chase me if they want it” or when I say ‘I’m done’ or when I say, 'I'm going to the gym every day'. I need to learn how to stay on track when it comes to exercise and diet. I have to remain consistent and in remaining consistent, I bet I’ll get everything my heart desires. I’m gonna double dare myself.  

Gotta get my mind right-get focused-get back to happy (not that it ever left). It feels like it's time for a trip-a mini ME vacay.