Single ladies speak a whole different Language
♪♫ What I need from you is Understanding. How can we communicate if you don't hear what I say? ♫♪
Ladies, we speak in code. A code that men just can’t seem to decipher. And don’t let that code be that of a single woman over 30. Good Lord!!! We’d need to call on Samuel Morse from the grave for that one ;-) Personally, I think I’m a great communicator and listener (but I could be wrong-I‘ve heard that I interrupt a lot-short term memory problem). Sure, I may go about it in unconventional ways but nonetheless, I get my points across and I try my best to be as clear and as detailed as possible. “I wonder if I’m too long winded.” I’ve heard I am. Hmph! Gotta work on that. Let me add that to my ‘Work in progress’ list.I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a work in progress. God’s working on MY guy and he’s also working on me for MY guy. I’m just trying to do my part. I’m taking responsibility. That’s the first step, right? Admitting one’s faults and mistakes. Calling yourself out. Accepting criticism (constructive or otherwise). I’m preparing myself for the magic that’s about to happen. Yep! I’m speaking it into existence.
So in my self-preparation, one of my biggest follies is communication. I’m gonna try to be clearer-not louder-clearer, and I know that single women say things and mean something completely different. And, we do that because we are so careful of what we say. We try to hold back a lot so as not to scare you guys away. Single guys get scared easily by single women. They all feel, we’re trying to either trap them or trick them into getting married ;-) Single women are judged so harshly. Everything we say is analyzed, poked and prodded-as if we don’t have it hard enough already. We shouldn’t have to go through that-but such is life. Let’s have a lesson in translation, why don’t we?! Tell me if I’ve got it right. And, ladies, single and attached, add yours to the list ;-)
WSWS (What Single Women Say) vs. WSRM (What She Really Means)
WSRM: I think he wants to control me and I can’t have that
WSWS: No, it’s cool, you can go hang out with the guys. I’ll go hang out with the girls.
WSRM: Damn, I’m gonna have to stay in tonight because I was hoping to go out with you.
WSWS: ‘blah, blah, blah’-followed by ‘baby’
WSRM: I hope he gets the hint that I want to get more serious
WSWS: At the end of any conversation, “Okay, TTYL”
WSRM: I want you to call me later
WSWS: I hope to have kids one day soon
WSRM: I hope to have kids one day soon (so, if you’re not serious, don’t waste my time)
WSWS: Wanna go out? My treat ;-)
WSRM: I wanna go out ‘with you’ and I wish you’d ask
WSWS: Oh, I go out alone all the time
WSRM: I go out alone all the time but I’d prefer to go out with you
WSWS: I didn't see that you called/texted
WSRM: I no longer sit and wait by the phone for you to make contact because you're not dependable
WSWS: It’s cool if you just want to be friends
WSRM: I have enough male friends and I sure don't have sex with them. Whispers: 'This isn't going to work'
WSWS: I know you’re feeling down. I’m here for you if you need to talk
WSRM: I want you to confide in you. I care about you enough to listen
WSWS: I take care of myself
WSRM: I CAN take care of myself but it would be so nice to form a partnership where we take care of each other
WSWS: I can pay for my own stuff
WSRM: I CAN but I want to go from MINE to OURS
WSWS: I’d love for you to meet my family
WSRM: I’d love to meet your family
WSWM: I’m taking some time for me
WSRM: You’re not giving me what I need and I need to reevaluate this whole thing
WSWS: I don’t want you to call me tonight
WSRM: If you care, you’ll call. This is a test
WSWS: How do you feel about me?
WSRM: I want you to tell me honestly how you feel about me
WSWS: So how’d your last relationship end?
WSRM: How’d your last relationship end? I want to hear details and I pray you broke up with her
WSWS: Do you still talk to your ex?
WSRM: Am I a rebound?
WSWS (her voicemail message): You’ve reached ____. I’m not available right now….blah, blah, blah!
WSRM (her thoughts): I used to pick up your call every time but you messed up and now you’re on a time out ;-)
WSWS: I’m a little busy tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
WSRM: I’ve been too accessible and you didn’t appreciate it
WSWS: Hey, I tried
WSRM: Hey, I tried and I got nothing back. I’ll give you one more try but I’m not telling you that I am. I’m just going to observe you and make my decision based on your actions from here on out.
WSWS: Wanna go away for the weekend?
WSRM: I wanna see if we can stand each other in the same space/possibly live together later
WSWS: How do I look in this?
WSRM: Do you find me attractive?
WSWS: My ex called me yesterday but I didn’t really talk to him
WSRM: My ex called me yesterday and depending on where you and I are going, I may pick up when he calls next time
WSWS: I don’t like when you do that?
WSRM: I know you want to see how far you can push it. I’m aware and I don’t like it.
WSWS: I want you
WSRM: I want you (I never let my guard down unless I’m serious about you-and see potential)
WSWS: No, I’m okay, I can handle it
WSRM: I CAN handle it but I’d love it if you would help me
WSWS: I love surprises
WSRM: God, I hope you think of me enough to want to surprise me
WSWS: I love flowers
WSRM: I’d love for you to surprise me with flowers
WSWS: I want you to take charge
WSRM: I need you to take charge
WSWS: Do you want to come over tonight?
WSRM: I want to be held tonight
WSWS: You wanna come over tonight?
WSRM: I’m feeling randy baby! Come gimme some ;-)
WSWS: After a fight, “Don’t touch me”
WSRM: I want you to hold me and make it better
WSWS: I miss you
WSRM: I miss you and I hope you share that sentiment
WSWS: I love you
WSRM: Okay, my guard is down and I’m thinking future here. Leave now if you don’t intend on taking this to the next level
WSWS: So, what do you really want from me?
WSRM: I’m falling for you and I’m scared
WSWS: So, where do you see us going?
WSRM: I don’t want to waste my time if you’re not serious because I am
WSWS: Do you think we should see other people?
WSRM: I want you but I can’t sit around and wait for you to come around
WSWS: I’ve got a headache tonight
WSRM: I’m getting tired of this booty call stuff. Let’s get serious or I’m cutting you off
WSWS: Why didn’t you call me?
WSRM: I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the only one you’re seeing
WSWS: I don’t really have anything planned for this weekend
WSRM: I have nothing planned for this weekend and I hope you will fill that slot
WSWS: I think I may go away next weekend
WSRM: I want you to go away with me next weekend
WSWS: I don’t usually do anything for my birthday
WSRM: No one has done anything special for me in a while, or at all. Can you fix that?
WSWS: I’m not going to hurt you
WSRM: God, I hope you don’t hurt me
WSWS: You can talk to me
WSRM: Please let down your guard and let me in
Communication is not communication if both people are closed to listening and people! you have to listen with your ears and eyes. The single woman has her own agenda that the single man may have no idea about and vice versa. That’s like two people, locked in separate phone booths, side by side, talking to each other on the phone. Yes, words are being exchanged, but wouldn’t it be nicer if you could see that person’s facial expression, read their body language and wouldn’t it be nice if they could see and read yours? WSWD (What Single Women Do) vs. WSRS (What She’s Really Saying)
WSRS: “I want you to try harder. What you’re doing isn’t cutting it.”
WSWD: Turning her back to you in bed
WSRS: “I want you to hold me.”
WSWD: Looking away when you argue
WSRS: “If I keep looking at you, you’ll see the hurt and I don’t want you to see me cry.”
WSWD: Cooking for you
WSRS: “I want to get to your heart and I heard the best way is through your stomach.”
WSWD: Offering to do your laundry
WSRS: “I want to take care of you. Please let me.”
WSWD: Straddling you
WSRS: “Let’s get nasty baby.”
WSWD: Buying you gifts
WSRS: “I don’t see this as just a little fling and I hope you don‘t either.”
WSWD: Catering a party for you and your boys (Super Bowl party)
WSRS: “You see, I’ll make a good wife.”
WSWD: Role playing
WSRS: “I want you to know I am a lady in the streets but I’m YOUR personal freak in the bedroom.”
WSWD: Asking if you want to have a threesome (you, her and another woman)
WSRS: “If you're serious about me, you’ll say ‘hell no!‘ or if this is just about sex, you‘ll say ‘hell yeah!”
WSWD: Going on dates with other people besides you
WSRS: “I want you to know I have options.”
WSWD: Taking forever to respond to a text
WSRS: "You take too long to respond to my texts so I'm showing you what it's like."
WSWD: Not returning phonecalls like she used to
WSRS: "I need to think a little about what's going on here. I'm starting to care and I'm doubting that you do."
WSWD: Answering calls from guys in front of you
WSRS: “I want you to see/know that I have nothing to hide, but at the same time, know that I have options.”
WSWD: Leaving the room to talk on the phone
WSRS: “I’m talking to my girlfriend but I want you to think it’s another guy.” [1. If it was a guy who‘s a threat, I wouldn’t have answered. 2. You’ve given me reason to doubt you and I want you to think I have options.]
WSWD: Putting her phone on vibrate
WSRS: “It’s all about you and me. No interruptions.”
WSWD: Turning her phone off when you’re around
WSRS: “You’re not the only one getting my time-and I don’t want you ruining my pimp game.”
WSWD: Turning her phone off, period (you can’t get through)
WSRS: 1. “I’m with someone else who I’m digging 2. “You pissed me off and I’m trying to calm down and I hope there is at least one voicemail when I turn my phone back on.” 3. “I’m having sex. Do not disturb.”
WSWD: Switching her pocketbook to the next shoulder, to free up the arm on the side you’re on
WSRS: “I want you to hold my hand.”
WSWD: Giving you her time and attention
WSRS: “I’m making the effort because I’m into you but don’t take it for granted.”
So, how do we go about bridging that gap guys- where both parties are in tune with each other-are letting down their guard to receive and accept intimacy? How do you, the single woman speak clearly without seeming needy? How do you, the single man, say your piece without closing the door on any possibilities. You’re digging her but you want to move slowly. You’re digging her but you’re scared-and you know she’ll leave if you don’t get YOUR act together. How do you communicate that without seeming weak? See, that’s the problem; you have two people who care about each other but have both been hurt and now are scared to admit they care-scared that the other person will take advantage of that knowledge-scared that they are the only one caring-scared that they’ll leave you-scared that you’ll make a mistake and lose them. That’s exactly what will happen too. If there isn’t clear communication, one person will eventually close that door. What’s crazy is that that person is usually the one who cares more-the person who is trying their hardest to communicate but is getting nothing back or is not getting enough back. The thought pattern becomes, "I know I’d rather hurt myself than allow you to". It’s a tough one guys. We know it. It’s tough for us too. That’s one of the reasons we remain single-lack of communication. My solution!? Speak your mind; hope they’re listening and deal with the consequences, good or bad. At the very least, you will be able to sleep knowing that you gave it your best shot! Good luck!
Wouldn’t it be nice if a single guy throws in his two cents? Wouldn’t it be nicer if a couple of single guys threw in their rebuttal ‘WSMS vs. WHRM? *Hint, hint*
~KLF~
7 comments:
This is both fascinating an wildly insane at the same time. How can any guy comprehend all that and still be sane. They would be second guessing themselves before being able to respond/react. Then is this a code for all single women, just single black women or just the author #imjustsayin
I think its VERY unfair to expect men to decifier a language that is not known or taught to them. However I do agree that communication or lack there of is a major issue and probably the most important in LIFE.
I can admit that I am not the best communicator because I can come off as harsh/blunt with my thoughts or concerns especially when dealing with very sensitive/emotional individual(s). Thus I refrain from saying things or how I may feel at the time in an attempt not to hurt said person(s) feelings or insue a potenial disagreement. Is it the best possible solution porbably maybe not but we are aall a work in progress right?!?
In my humble opinion 'What Single Women Say' is 'What She Really Means' as best she possibly can. I may be wrong but speaking in code Speaking in Code confuses us: No means yes, yes means no, stay means go...wtf!!
I think I am rambling again #grandopeninggrandclosing!
This post, of course, is not a survey of all single women’s feelings, nor all single black women (I don‘t now all women Sir). In fact, it’s not even fully about mine…..well, not mine anymore, that is. These days, I choose to say exactly how I feel. I find it refreshing and freeing. I don’t have time to sugar-coat things nor pretend and lie. That only produces bad results. I’ve learned from the past and refuse to bring it into my future. However, most of the things I wrote are common misunderstandings. And men are expected to decode.
I know I may say things to gauge a person and to see how much further I can go or how much further ‘this’ is going. That’s my way of taking the easy way around getting my feelings hurt. If you analyze the questions and comments and their translations, they’re rather easy to understand. They should be. We learned them from you guys. You guys speak in tongues. You want us but you tell us we’re moving too fast. You fall in love but you push us away. You want it to be all about sex, yet you kiss us, you hold us, you know….you guys do those ‘not just about sex things’. So, who’s really causing confusion. If you aren’t in it for a relationship, say so-and behave accordingly. Like I said, be straight, be true, especially to yourself because what you guys say may not be as easily understood as what you do. Your actions speak volumes and when you tell us that you need time or you don’t want to hurt us or the classic, it’s not you, it’s me, we not only hear you, we see what you mean and we react to it. And, usually that’s followed by less phone calls, no more sweet nothings, more “I’m busy tonight’s instead. We take the hint and we move on. And then you guys come back when you realize what you’ve lost. I call it being selfish and sending mixed messages.
So, don’t say it if you don’t mean it, whether IT be positive or negative. And when you do say something out of anger, apologize-not via text or voicemail-apologize in person, but apologize only if you mean it and when you apologize, say what you’re apologizing for (communication is key).
Yes, #TellYouWhenISeeYou, we are all works in progress and admitting that you’re not perfect is the first step to being just that. Here’s what I’ve realized with single guys. They know what to do. They know what to say. They know what we single women want because they want it too. But, they don’t do it…..until they feel they’re about to lose us. And, guess what, it’s going to take a lot more than a text, email or post to make it right. It’s gonna take more than two or three voicemails to fix the damage. It’s gonna take that communication----that same one you single guys swear you’re no good at. We know you know what to say and how to say it. Look at you-you’re communicating right now on this post (and you could have all along-you just chose not to ;-) You guys just choose not to, until it’s too late or close to being too late.
I know I say what I feel and mean-and I don’t leave anything to interpretation-okay, maybe I leave room for interpretation a little-just to keep it interesting and to make you work for it (not you-speaking in general ;-) You guys need to realize that as much as you can’t understand us, we can’t understand you either, unless, of course it’s in the heat of passion. That’s when we can get you to talk-about anything. How about you guys try to communicate when our skin is not sliding against each other.
#IhopeYouDoTellMeWhenYouSeeMeButIBetYouWont
I think it boils down to the fact that we really need to improve communication - say what we mean - no hiding behind insecurity, ego, heartbreak, desperation, lack of confidence... Just be honest, respectful and open to accepting the other persons honesty and repect it even if it's not what we really in the bottom of our hearts wanted to hear... ~SIMI
Ladies, I am inclined to agree with anonymous, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you wnat effective and open communication in the realtionship, then make it one of your requirements on the list before "can he pay my bills"!MEN, please don't get it twisted, listening to your idiot friends who don't have any lasting relationdhips telling you that it is unmanly to talk about your feelings...this is counter productive.... TALK to your women, if they see you trying there will be no need for the CODES!
Simi, I hear you and it sounds easy and all but you tell me how you accept and move on when someone you thought you had 'something' with tells you that you didn't.
Yes, I know you'll say to tuck your tail between your legs, take it a blessing and he wasnt' worth your time anyway, right? And that's true but....
On the other hand, we SHOULD just say what we mean and we SHOULD just ask what we want, in the hopes of getting the truth in return, not some made up 'I'll tell you what I think you want to hear' answer.
Hey, a so it go!
Sherie, you hit on a great point. Men, and I'm speaking from what I know, tend to listen to what their friends say, or watch what their friends do or what they think they have (a happy family and home, tons of money) and they keep or release a relationship because they think they can do better, should have already done better or will never do better.
Guys, how about you go with your feelings? How about you tell her you care for her, because you do care for her? How about you allow your relationship to be about just that, your relationship (the two of you). It has nothing to do with anyone else. Don't allow your boys to dictate your happiness. And you know what, if you aren't open to bringing her around your friends and family or talk about her to your F&F or even acknowledge her to your F&F, then you don't deserve her anyway.
This code I mentioned was made by a man and as such, we have a hard time with it too. The thing is that men designed these codes because they love to play games and kids play games-grown ups play golf :-)
Kel, the is great. I would post a link to it if you can find a way for the title to come up instead of Thirtysomething etc. It would get more readers that way.
As for iWilltellyouwhenIseeyou, this goes for all women, black, white, single or married. It's not a code that women sit down and come up with as it may seem. On the contrary, its words that are used due to being vulnerable and emotional creatures unlike men. It's the way women try to express themselves while hoping not to get hurt in the process. As the ladies rightly said, men do the same thing as well, just in another way which has nothing to do with emotions. Kelly was just nice enough to let guys in on what's going on in the female mind. Guys say they don't understand women...here's a step in the right direction.
I think you should complete it and publish this as your first book Kel. This was on point! Great job!
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