I don't need anyone to tell me, I know. I've got a road ahead of me but guess what? I know it. The first step of any struggle is admitting that you have one. I've realized that my blogs are getting a little attention and so, I figured I'd use it as a forum of motivation for myself. I'm also hoping to gain some help from you guys, in the form of accountability. So, what do you say? You got my back, or what? Are you gonna help me get to where I need to be? I sure hope so.
I'm way above my ideal weight. I haven't been at my ideal weight in uhm, hell if I know.I've always been a 'thick' woman (don't you love when people call you thick, instead of fat?) In college, I was pretty okay-thick and all. What I do know is that I want to be at my ideal weight-I want to desperately! And I'll get there, come hell or high water. I started gaining and maintaining in 2007 when I first moved to Atlanta. I moved here alone and got a little depressed. I was also in the midst of a turmultuous relationship. Like many other women, we eat when we're angry. We eat when we're happy. We eat when we're sad. I am no exception. At first, I was losing the weight-I was too sad to eat nor sleep. My bff saw me and didn't even recognize me. And then, when the relationship 'seemed' to be getting better, I ate to display my happiness. And, he didn't stop me. He loved that pound by pound, I was starting to dislike myself a bit more. That only meant that I would depend on him because nobody else would want me-his words. Ain't he great? ;-) Oh, how we allow guys to dictate our lives-but that’s another blog on ‘self esteem in a relationship’.
Anyhoo, this blog is not about that fool. It's about the progression. It's about how this damn cortisol crept in full force after I hit 30 and has taken up residence around my mid-section and around my bra straps. It's hard guys....so hard....and me working away from home sure doesn't help ;-(
I'm actually a very active person, I go paintballing, running, walking, bike riding, swimming, hiking, mountain climbing, white water rafting, rock climbing, 5Ks for charity, Amazing race spin-offs, skydiving, you name it, I exercise and I go hard. But, I eat as hard as I work out-thus the dilemma. I love food and I cook it very well. What I’ve found is that when I’m in a relationship, I experiment and I cook. I love cooking for people, especially the person I’m with. And I don’t hold back. I cook every and any thing. And, of course, when I cook it, I have to taste it right? And of course, it’s soooo good, so I have to eat it, right? And here’s my happy eating personified. I’ll work out and lose it and it’s right back there, snickering at me, like, “Thought you lost me, didn’t ya?” But, I have to do something, seriously! And I need your help.
I was hell bent on getting this down-Yeah, it was exercise!
I’ve done the ‘put a sexy pic of yourself on the fridge’ thing. I’ve kept a diary and the best one so far was LOSE IT, an app for Ipod. And it helped big time back in 2009. It helped me lose 40lbs and yes, I put the damn thing right back on the minute I was out of the funk I was in (I’d lost my job). So, here I am, happy as ever and I’m happy eating again. And, I have the nerve to be using LoseIt again. When I’m good, I’m good but when I’m bad, man, I’m bad! Check me out:
I’m not a dog. I clean up nicely ;-) I look pretty okay, but okay is not good enough. I was looking through my FB albums today and had to shake my damn head. What happened Kelz? How’d you let it get to this point? The majority of the pics look pretty good and people keep telling me I look fine, great, sexy, fantastic even. But, guess what? When you know where you’re coming from and where you should be, all that hooplah is just that-hooplah!
All taken in 2011
Taken in 2010.
I feel like I have stocks in Firestone because I keep carrying around this damn spare tire (corny joke, I know). Bet you smiled though ;-) This past weekend, my, uhm, what do I call him? Friend/mate/partner (another blog-another time) poked my stomach and jokingly did the ’woo-hoo, Pilsbury doughboy’ thing. Did I find that mess funny? Hell no! But the realization hit me….and it hit me hard. First, that was kinda mean and insensitive (remind me to kick his ass later) but also, I’ve become too damn comfortable with where I am in life that I’m literally, letting it all hang out. Just last year, I was looking ‘flat-ish’-LOL. And here I am, walking around myself and falling over myself. Okay, Kelz, let’s do this. And D, no more poking me like that please! It doesn’t do much for a girl’s self esteem (even though you swore you meant nothing by it). You're lucky I like you ;-)
So, people, I implore you. I beseech you. Shoot me some knowledge here. Offer me up some constructive criticism and encouragement. Holla at ya girl. Let me know what’s what. Give me the what’s for. In short, tell me about myself. I can take it. Just don’t go to hard now. A girl still has feelings. I need some tough love and some weight loss stories. I need some encouragement and I need some hope. I need it and I need it now!
I'm a fatty! And I need to be held accountable!
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| College-Nice legs |
I'm way above my ideal weight. I haven't been at my ideal weight in uhm, hell if I know.I've always been a 'thick' woman (don't you love when people call you thick, instead of fat?) In college, I was pretty okay-thick and all. What I do know is that I want to be at my ideal weight-I want to desperately! And I'll get there, come hell or high water. I started gaining and maintaining in 2007 when I first moved to Atlanta. I moved here alone and got a little depressed. I was also in the midst of a turmultuous relationship. Like many other women, we eat when we're angry. We eat when we're happy. We eat when we're sad. I am no exception. At first, I was losing the weight-I was too sad to eat nor sleep. My bff saw me and didn't even recognize me. And then, when the relationship 'seemed' to be getting better, I ate to display my happiness. And, he didn't stop me. He loved that pound by pound, I was starting to dislike myself a bit more. That only meant that I would depend on him because nobody else would want me-his words. Ain't he great? ;-) Oh, how we allow guys to dictate our lives-but that’s another blog on ‘self esteem in a relationship’.
Anyhoo, this blog is not about that fool. It's about the progression. It's about how this damn cortisol crept in full force after I hit 30 and has taken up residence around my mid-section and around my bra straps. It's hard guys....so hard....and me working away from home sure doesn't help ;-(
I'm actually a very active person, I go paintballing, running, walking, bike riding, swimming, hiking, mountain climbing, white water rafting, rock climbing, 5Ks for charity, Amazing race spin-offs, skydiving, you name it, I exercise and I go hard. But, I eat as hard as I work out-thus the dilemma. I love food and I cook it very well. What I’ve found is that when I’m in a relationship, I experiment and I cook. I love cooking for people, especially the person I’m with. And I don’t hold back. I cook every and any thing. And, of course, when I cook it, I have to taste it right? And of course, it’s soooo good, so I have to eat it, right? And here’s my happy eating personified. I’ll work out and lose it and it’s right back there, snickering at me, like, “Thought you lost me, didn’t ya?” But, I have to do something, seriously! And I need your help.
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| I go hard when I paintball! |
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| I climb Stone Mountain for fun |
Atlanta's Great Urban Race 2011. Off the chain! Can't wait for '12
I’ve tried everything. Let me tell you that before you all start offering advice and diet/exercise regimens. I’ve tried Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Diet clinics, B12, HCG, Xenadrine, when it was out, flushes, the cayenne pepper diet and Sensa. Yeah, they all worked but I got tired of them too soon or the minute I stopped losing that regular weight (I would plateau), I gave up. And, on to the next one, after an extreme binging, of course. Between, before and after these escapades, I’d work out. I’d work out all the time-but I wasn’t consistent. I didn’t have longevity. I go with my bros and mom on the Silver Comet Trail. I’d run Stone Mountain’s 5.5miles on a daily basis with the Dexmeister or Big Chocky. I’d climb Stone Mountain just for shits and giggles and it felt great. Every single time, it felt great.
The thing is that I keep forgetting how great it feels. I guess I could attribute that to my short term memory. I need to get on a gingko biloba regimen because I’m scared I’ll suffer from Alzheimer later on in life. I forget everything. Even now, I’m forgetting what point I was trying to make. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting how great I feel after a workout. I have a lot on my mind and as such, I lose so much data if I don’t ‘post it’ or ‘add it to my to do list’. I guess I need to make a post it note to remind me how great I feel after a workout-how wonderful those endorphins feel pumping through my neurons. I’ll do that, actually!
I’ve tried to weight watch with friends over the phone and online. I’ve set goals (trips, gifts, etc.) but since I was the one rewarding myself, it didn’t work out. Had it been someone else setting these stipulations (someone I gave a crap about), I probably would have met my goal a long time ago. A girlfriend of mine and I had a conversation November 2010. I was telling her about how hard I was working out-again. She was telling me that I was a pretty good looking chick and that, and I quote, “Girl, when you lose that weight, you’re gonna be a bad bitch!” I so wanna be a bad bitch. I dress pretty nicely. I clean up nicely. I love nice things and have a crazy shoe fetish. I’ve got to get it together so that I can have that ‘sick shopping spree’ I’ve promised myself. I WANNA BE A BAD BITCH! I want that shopping spree.
I’ve done the ‘put a sexy pic of yourself on the fridge’ thing. I’ve kept a diary and the best one so far was LOSE IT, an app for Ipod. And it helped big time back in 2009. It helped me lose 40lbs and yes, I put the damn thing right back on the minute I was out of the funk I was in (I’d lost my job). So, here I am, happy as ever and I’m happy eating again. And, I have the nerve to be using LoseIt again. When I’m good, I’m good but when I’m bad, man, I’m bad! Check me out:
I know what I need. I need stability. I need a partner to work out with (and I think I’ve found one-gotta make sure he keeps me around). Shout out to DB. I really appreciate you going to the gym with me when I'm home. I really do have fun witcha! But, that's on the weekend. I need help during the week. I do work out in teh hotel's gym. When I'm on it, I work out everyday, at least 1 1/2 hr each day. When I'm not on it, nuff said. But, I need realization that if I don’t get it together now, I’ll be 40 and looking crazy. I need to realize that it’s not all about looks. It’s about my health. And I know how much I want to do in my life, now that I can-so I have to make sure I’m healthy enough to do them all.
I’m not a dog. I clean up nicely ;-) I look pretty okay, but okay is not good enough. I was looking through my FB albums today and had to shake my damn head. What happened Kelz? How’d you let it get to this point? The majority of the pics look pretty good and people keep telling me I look fine, great, sexy, fantastic even. But, guess what? When you know where you’re coming from and where you should be, all that hooplah is just that-hooplah!
All taken in 2011
Taken in 2010.
I feel like I have stocks in Firestone because I keep carrying around this damn spare tire (corny joke, I know). Bet you smiled though ;-) This past weekend, my, uhm, what do I call him? Friend/mate/partner (another blog-another time) poked my stomach and jokingly did the ’woo-hoo, Pilsbury doughboy’ thing. Did I find that mess funny? Hell no! But the realization hit me….and it hit me hard. First, that was kinda mean and insensitive (remind me to kick his ass later) but also, I’ve become too damn comfortable with where I am in life that I’m literally, letting it all hang out. Just last year, I was looking ‘flat-ish’-LOL. And here I am, walking around myself and falling over myself. Okay, Kelz, let’s do this. And D, no more poking me like that please! It doesn’t do much for a girl’s self esteem (even though you swore you meant nothing by it). You're lucky I like you ;-)
So, people, I implore you. I beseech you. Shoot me some knowledge here. Offer me up some constructive criticism and encouragement. Holla at ya girl. Let me know what’s what. Give me the what’s for. In short, tell me about myself. I can take it. Just don’t go to hard now. A girl still has feelings. I need some tough love and some weight loss stories. I need some encouragement and I need some hope. I need it and I need it now!
I may be 30-something, single and sensational, but I want to live to be 70, happily attached, sexy, healthy and fantastic. Holla!
6 comments:
Ok, so let me start off by saying I love you girl!!! You are a confident, beautiful and sexy, eh-nearing middle age woman ;)... Buuuut, Damn I feel ya!!!
I miss the days of us getting our "Linda" on!!! You kickin my ass, me kickin yours!!
Of all the bitches and bastards we have come across through out the years, I must say cortisol is the biggest biotch of them all! And you are not the only one in that slowly sinking ship. I wish this was the response to tell you how to beat it, but it is just me saying you are not alone. I too have gained more weight than I care to even admit. And this was after dropping to fighting weight of 115 in my late 20s!!!But then, like you said, bad times happened and we tend to eat when depressed, to be unmotivated, to not care.. Then when we get to our unhappy weight we get even more depressed and try to lose when our mind may not be ready or fully invested. And it doesn't help that in this economy most of us are ballin on a budget.. fact is it is cheaper to buy the higher fat content items than the healthier items. In this respect I think Denmark has a great idea in their "fat tax." They are taxing fatty foods to make them more expensive to try and combat obesity. Some may call this glass half empty with fascism. I would call the glass damn full of motivation! Why not make healthy foods more accessible to the masses?
But is that the only thing to blame? sadly I say no :(. Sometimes we can have all the motivation on the world to do a thing short term, and may even hit our goal, but in the end true weight loss is a life time commitment that most of us are not ready for. We either loose track, fall of the horse and are too hurt to get back on soon enough, or just do not have the kick in the ass to keep it going. And don't even get me started on cheating!!!! By the way if you are looking for someone to continually kick you in the ass, I am free ;). Got my shit kickers shined up real nice for ya!
I think we may need to call Jenifer Hudson on this one.
I know my most recent success was due to eating smaller meals more times throughout the day to stimulate the metabolism. And i was doing damn good there... Enter the stress of work and not having the time while there to do what that, coupled with the hours I work and you have the recipe for weight disaster!
But I have a plan. I am going to start waking up a lil bit earlier and doing pilates before work.. Starting with 5 minutes, then slowly increasing until I get some energy back(recently cut out all caffeine except one cup of coffee in the morning-I miss you caffeine :{ ).. Then maybe try to get up early enough to venture out to the gym. After all, I have free access to them!!! I have a particular goal in mind and damnit I intend on hitting it!!! I just need a little push.... You up for it??
Oh, I am also up for slappin your boy thang in the hand with a switch for his rudeness! doesn't he know the one thing you do NOT joke about with a woman is her weight?!?! Oh, and I need to see a pic of him on a private network.. Make sure he meets approval ;p
Keep your head up mamacita, we CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!
Gots put a lil more swag in this sardonic step!
Sardonic I adore you! Just when I need it, here you come...to give me that kick in the arse that I need. It is tough, but like your post on my wall said, I'm tough too, because I own a vagina-and those things take a kicking and keep on ticking.
I'm up for the challenge-let's try to do this together...weekly, biweekly check-ins if necessary. But, the big thing is accountability. I need you to hold me accountable and I'll do the same. We don't need Jennifer but if she can do it, so can we dammit!
Thanks for the push. As for Mr. Thang, you're hilarious! Send you a pic. Will he meet your approval? Hmmm, he'd have to be a significant other first. Not sure where that is, if it is. Great guy but........ I'll call you.
Keep at it Kelly, consistency is what is key...our bodies all work differently so when you find what works make it a habit - it's hard but we have to try :)
I'm trying. Trying to make a life change. Thanks for the encouragement :-)
Well...I have acclimatized so to speak..my husband will hug me and say,"Is it Christmas already?...because Santa's here..." Well that used to make me so mad..then he would add, "but I love you still." I really want to lose the weight for me!!! I know I look OK when I put my clothes on..but I have the potential to look great!! I'd give anything to look like I did in college(not high school). No matter what I ate, my stomach stayed flat!!What I have been doing though is using a smaller plate for my meals. Smaller plate= smaller portion. In addition I am drinking less juices and more water and trying walking . The results are slow but I feel some result. But sister,we want to live healthy long lives ..so I support you. You go girl.
Thanks. Let me tell you, I've been working on it for a while but I think I have it this time. I'm usually in a 'relationship' (and I use that term loosely) and I put on weight-you know that happy weight, I'm single right now and I'm hell bent on finding sexy, bringing it back and keeping it here :-) And, maybe that will bring the right boys to the yard, not just the ones who want the milkshake ;-)
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