~Some say the EX makes the sex spec-ta-cu-lar....I say, bunk that! Leave that mess alone!!!

Biggie Smalls is still the Illest!

The ex texted me today. No, not any ex-boyfriend. THE EX! The only person I have ever adored to the point of pure insanity and the only person I probably ever will care for that way again. It's been two years now, almost, since THE END but only a year and a half since I saw him last. I know a year and a half seems like a long time to not see someone but in this case, it's not long enough. After six years, you need at least two to break free in your own head and honestly say you're FREE to love again. As a matter of fact, it took me two years to break up with him. When you're that involved with someone, when they are that much a part of you, just saying it's over doesn't make it so. It takes planning. It takes lies, it takes downright devious behavior to truly get someone you love out of your life for good. Am I free? I am. I can truly say that...unequivocally! As long as I never see him again ;-) LMAO! Just kidding! (All jest, no truth here)

So, what did he want? Not a damn thing. He wanted to ask how I was, tell me he loves me, that I'm still the best (at everything-duh, I know that-took him to not have me to realize) and to tell me how he's doing and that he misses me and he'll be in town for a few days next month and would like to see me. He tends to do this every few months or so (It used to be scary because he lived fifteen minutes away but he's now moved to another state-at my behest, no less). Gone are the days, however, where I would look forward to that call or text. Gone are the days when I'd long for our on again, off again escapades. I'm too old for that mess. An ex is an ex is an ex-and an ex should remain just that-an ex, not an ex-change nor an ex-pansion nor an ex-perience, nor should they get an ex-planation, nor should you share an ex-periment or an exploration. An ex should be an ex-traction, an ex-termination, an exclamation, an ex-haustion! It's not easy, I know. Ultimately....

Unfortunately!

So, what do you do when you can't seem to move on? Well, the rule of thumb is to know that you can and will, in time. Fight through the tears and sleepless nights. Struggle through the endless emotions and reminiscing. Wrestle the reminders, the comparisons. This too shall pass. What you don't want to do is the classic 'rebound' because one of three things could happen: you end up hurting them (the new person), you end up getting hurt or you end up being an unplanned parent :-) If you're not ready, or you're just not sure...take some time for you-get to know you again, the you you were before the ex...the you you used to love before the ex came along...the you you will be again once you're over the ex.

How do I know when that has happened? That I'm over him/her?

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/Relationships/lizurrd/are-you-ready-for-a-new-relationship/ 

 


Believe it or not...it's possible. With time and a new love interest.

"I see you got married or are at least engaged," he said. I asked him why he said that and was told that he saw a picture where I had a ring on my 'ring' finger. I neither denied nor confirmed his assumption. Two reasons-I didn't want him to think that I was sitting around waiting for him (like I thought I always would-he told me so many times that we'd always be together, regardless-what the hell does that mean?) and I didn't want him to think the door was open for him to come back in (like he always did for years). So, I let him think whatever he wanted to and I also hoped that he had created an extensive, elaborate story about how I got engaged or married ;-)

It used to bother me that I wasn't engaged or married. When HE and I first broke up, I was hell bent on finding someone to move on with, someone to replace him. I went about it all wrong. I ended up breaking hearts (yes, me) and wasting time with people I normally wouldn't give a second look. Okay, maybe it wasn't a waste of time. I now feel and see that each person I came across served a purpose and had a reason for that season-and in their own way, they helped me get past that 'dangerous love and obsession I swore I would never get over.' So, thank you guys :-) Ya did good!!!! And I am so sorry if I am now a horrible memory you can't shake :-(   But, like I said, it USED TO bother me that I wasn't engaged or married. Now, I know that it just wasn't my time yet. People used to date me. No, not take me out but tell me that I should have been this or I should have been that by now. Well, hey, maybe I could have but I don't believe that I should have becasue it would have been with the wrong person. God is still working on my fella and I'll know him when HE finds me ;-)

So, how will you know Kelz? Well, you know what, I may not know by first sight or for the first few weeks or months for that matter but I'll know....I'll know, because he'll know and he'll show me. I don't have a list of requirements anymore like I used to (that's what kept me from settling down-and I don't regret having that long ass list). I have 'refined' that list to include what is most important to me: humor, ambition, pride, extrovertedness, a love for the Dexmiester, goal oriented, he has to be open to experiment, to travel, to listen. He has to want a family and be able to get along with mine. He has to love Monk and Psych :-) or at least be open to watching them with me and pretending to love Shawn, Gus and Adrian ;-) He has to be over HIS EX-completely. He has to be appreciative of me and my attempts at making him happy. He has to want to make me happy, has to be giving and kind. He has to be creative and romantic. He has to want to make me happy (wait, did I say that already?-it's that important). He has to be comfortable in his own skin-so much so that he can be himself with me, knowing that I will accept and love him for him. He must respect me and readily express his feelings for me. No, dude, you don't have to wait for me to tell you 'I love you' first. When you feel it, say it, damn it! If you feel it on our first date, say it! Our first sleep over, say it! If you miss me, yell it! If you can't wait to see me, exclaim it! Wanna drop me a love note? Please go for it. I love stuff like that. Make me that CD like people did in high school. Send me that love note, check yes or no ;-)  If you can't stand to be away from me, don't wait for an invitation or permission-come to me! In other words, he'll know to be aggressive, to demand my attention and hold it-to do whatever it takes to make that stamp. And I know he will because I will too.

 My ex contacted me today and I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier to be able to communicate with him knowing that he couldn't faze me-not because it's been so long but because someone else has my attention at this time. Would things have been different if I didn't have a boothang/a new interest? Uhm, honestly, I don't know. It all depends on where my mindset would have been if someone else was not occupying my thoughts. Let me clarify-for the past eight months, I've been on cloud 9. I've found myself again. I've been genuinely happy. But, in that eight months, I had 'company'-temporary company but company nontheless-and so, had my ex called, I could have easily dismissed him. They say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I'll tell you what, there is some truth to it, if you get under the right person at the right time. You don't have to have someone to get over someone else but it sure helps/helped. And again, big shout out to.... and ...... You were there for me to show me that it was possible to give a crap again to care again, to possibly love again.



PREACH!

And, now that I'm past all that and over the hooplah of the ex, I'm open and ready to give it another go...when the time is right....when the right person comes along. I wonder if he already has ;-) If he's Mr. Right here, right now, he's got his work cut out for him but those who traveled before you have made your task a lot easier, trust me. I've gone from having that wall all the way up with barbed wires and broken bottles on the top to having the wall up but the gate open ;-) So, come on in but while you're in, don't feel entitled. Don't take advantage. Don't misinterpret my kindness for weakness. Don't mistake me being greedy for your attention and your time for me being needy. Two completely different things-don't get it twisted hombre. I give you attention because you're making me tingle, you're massaging my cerebellum, your tantalizing my senses. So realize who I am and what I bring and know that what you've got has the potential to cause fireworks. I am 'all that' and don't take advantage of the here and now because you keep looking back to the then and once was. An ex is an ex for a reason-can't you read!? It didn't work for a reason and that reason still remains and while you're wasting time, convincing yourself you two are just on a break-you're losing out on what you could have right now. And besides, how disrespectful is it to lead someone on, having them think it's all about them (spending all your time with them, going on dates, conversing hours on end, making future plans, sharing hopes, dreams and desires). Karma is a bitch and that bitch was burned my HER ex ;-) You don't wanna mess with that chick!

So, if you're in a 'relationship' that you think is just for the time being, get the hell out now before you ruin someone for someone else because you're selfish and unsure. And for goodness sake, if you start digging each other, don't fight the feeling because you promised yourself you wouldn't care or love 'like that' again. Go for it! This just may be THE ONE-the LAST ONE!

But, most importantly, leave your drama at the door. Get over yours before you enter because once you leave, if you foolishly do (thinking you want what you already had and lost), there's no coming back and yes, you will regret it. They always do and I always am ready to remind you of what you had WHEN you call or text to tell me 'I'm still the best'  :-)

Holla at ya girl ;-)


As all ex'es should be!

"If you find someone with whom you can laugh, someone who puts you to sleep with a memory and wakes you up with anticipation, whose smell still lingers in your nares, whose voice forces a smile, who evokes feelings you thought were dead, who makes you sad because they're not beside you to make you happy....when you are lucky enough to be given that 2nd/3rd/4th chance to find someone like that.....you let go of the past and you hold on to the hope of that future. You hold on for dear life!" ~Kelly-Ann Fleming~
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What do others have to say about this?

 http://www.dateordisaster.com/donny.html
http://janice.articlealley.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-and-leave-her-alone-1428490.html

How do you know when you're over your ex and ready to move on: 


I remember those days :-)



1. Thinking about your ex less: you realize that you’re no longer thinking of your ex all the time and no longer torturing yourself about what could have been. Even when you do think about your ex from time to time (which is perfectly normal), it doesn’t make you feel sad, angry, hurt, bitter, etc. You may remember the goods times you’ve shared without bursting into tears.

2. Plotting: You’ve accepted that you and your ex are not getting back together, and you’ve stopped praying for reconciliation.
3. Music: You can listen to music that reminds you of your ex without being an emotional wreck. And not all love songs remind you of your ex anymore.
4. Pictures: You can look at old pictures of you and your ex with a sort of detachment. Sure, you may still feel a bit sentimental, but you are not bursting into tears thinking about the good old days, and any setback you feel is brief.
5. Ending the race: You don’t feel the need to prove anything to your ex, e.g., wishing to bump into your ex to show off a hot new “replacement” so that you can prove that you’ve moved on.
6. Not taking revenge: You’re pleased, or at least indifferent, when you hear that you’re ex is doing well, and you’re not secretly celebrating your ex’s misfortune.
7. Looking for him/her wherever you go: You don’t look into shops, bars, or other places where you ex might be, hoping to run into him/her. If you do run into your ex, though, and your heart races a little, it apparently does not mean that you are not over him/her.
8. Revisiting former haunts: You are able to go back to places where you and your ex used to go, which you have been avoiding since the split.
9. Your ex having sex …. with someone else: You can picture your ex having sex with someone else or being in a relationship with someone else, and it doesn’t make you hurt, angry, jealous, or extremely emotional.
10. Reading their horoscope: You’re no longer reading your ex’s horoscope and obsessing over your ex.







 

I'm Irreplaceable; you're not!

 What? You deleted me? Damn, you beat me to it!!!

 I've realized that with time, people will mess up. Yes, me too. We're human but in being human, we must confess that when we lose some things/people, it's for the best. You may not realize it at the time but in the long run, it all makes itself clear. And you know what, here's the old cliche`-if it was meant to be......blah, blah, blah.

I see a pattern here. As of late, as in the last month and a half, I've been removed from three people's FB 'friend' list and you know what, I haven't felt better. With one person, I didn't even realize that I was gone-because I didn't really talk to her in the first place-never went on her page. I had to be alerted by someone else and guess what? Uhm, who cares? So, I guess if it was just one person, I could say it was them, but three is rather indicative of a pattern, where the underlying culprit is ME. And I'm okay with that, because honestly, with all three, I was in the right-and I'm not just saying that.

And what grown person deletes someone from a social network site anyway? I mean, come on. And what type of mature person gives a hoot if they do? In all actuality, it just says a lot about your 'relationship'. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be if that's the lack of respect you were shown in its demise.

In my own, sadistic way, I pushed all three there because I didn't want to be hurtful. I have been known to be abrasive and a wee bit too straight forward, uncensored and it has been said that I have no filter. Guilty as charged-I am just those things.

It seems FB has become the end all, be all for communication and so if you remove or are removed, that ends and seals the end of that relationship. Thank God for those young bucks who came up with it. Sad but true, Facebook has allowed us not to have to make that awkward phonecall nor do we have to explain anything either because more than likely, prior to the deletion, there were posts targeting the 'deletee', sending clear messages that it was coming. It might have been no responses like there used to be or posts that sound like they were typed just for you. More than likely, they were.

But, here's my thing. Don't delete me and then try to come back. You were weak when you did it, huh? Probably mad too. Too bad. No takebacks :-) Man up and do it the right way. Don't go through FB-Holla at me!!!

And all that is a precursor to my rant on Fall cleaning. Why is it so damn hard for us to let go? I mean, really? Life is too short to hold on to people who for lack of a better term, do not enhance your life. If your thoughts of them bring frown lines to your face and an elevated BP, then, thank your high heavens you are no longer a part of their life

Fall is the season of rebirth. I love Fall. The colors change, the air is fresher-the colors bright. It's prime time for new beginnings. You don't have to wait for the new year to make those resolutions.  It's the end of the fun Summer and just before the dormant Winter. The perfect time to reevaluate and prepare for the New Year. Take the Fall as a chance to practice, to try things anew, to get it going. To let go and let God take over the reigns. Okay, so it didn't work out. That's fine. They are no longer in your life. That's okay too. We've all heard it. Nothing lasts forever....and ain't that the truth? So, take each day as it comes and make it just that...today....and live for it. Live for today. Let go of those who don't mean you well, who snicker behind your back, who only use and abuse, who mistreat and retreat, who block and mock, who retreat instead of complete you, who hate, instead of appreciate. I'm no fisherwoman but I know that there are more fish in the sea and as such, I'll keep on throwing my rod out and waiting to see what bites.

I'm thirty-plus and independent, stubborn as hell and one proud woman. I've done things I'm not proud of but without hesitation, I can say that  I've been true to me and to those I love and have loved. And when that chapter ends, I can close that book, put it away and open another. I don't know about you but I usually don't read the same book twice...unless of course it's one that left such and impressionable mark that it has etched its memory on my brain (The Art of Racing in the Rain-Garth Stein-just saying-check it out. You won't regret it). Only then will I say it's worth another chance, only then will I surrender to the memory of the unforgettable. Only then will I try again. Only then will I risk a potential friendship/love/relationship/partner.  Other than that, it's time to keep it moving, even run sometimes-because the devil trains with Usain Bolt :-)

And it's not only females. I've found that guys I meet these days have so much baggage-they're holding on to.  That one they let go-that one who they've been with for so long but didn't appreciate them when they had them-that one who, to be honest wasn't for them anyway and who they wish would give them a chance-only to mess it up again anyway. It wasn't meant to be. Let it go. Stop allowing possible to pass you by for comfortable. Stop becoming a memory for new loves-new hearts, because you're too weak to walk away from what you allowed to stray in the first place. What becomes of that? Well, you lose out on something potentially wonderful, potentially beautiful, endearing, long lasting-because you stupidly couldn't let go. It's okay to love and lose in love. Just know how to love and when loving, love with your whole heart so that when/if it doesn't make it to fruition, you can let go with a clear conscience and heart. That's how the cookie crumbles, my friend!

Friendships end when they weren't built on a strong, honest foundation. Love ends when trust and respect are only a thought that has no longevity. It's hard these days to have lasting relationships-so when you find them, hold on tight and when they're beginning to drain the life out of you, let them go....let them go...let them go....
It's okay to let goLife is too damn short!

♪♫ Let's talk about sex baby; let's talk about you and me ♪♫-God, I hope my mom doesn't read this ;-)

WHAT'S YOUR BOOTY CALL NUMBER?

It's after midnight and your phone rings. He wants to stop by to 'see' you. You've been doing this with him for a while now, so you just say, 'I'll leave the door open'. You jump in the shower and greet him in your towel and the rest is history. You wake up in the morning and he 'may' be there. He may not! You feel that little tingle in your stomach when he's not. You feel that little tingle in your stomach when he is. You go about your day and in the back of your mind, you're hoping the phone rings and he asks if you want to go get something to eat or if you want to go catch a movie. But, the only call you get is the one telling you he's coming over. And, again, you say yes. Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Let's talk about casual sex, shall we......?

When we were in our twenties, casual sex was a norm. Everybody was doing it. The thing is that though everyone was doing it, there was still some shame to it. You didn't want to be seen as too promiscuous so you didn't really talk about it. Now, in your single thirties, forties, fifties even, casual sex is just that....casual. But, like it was in your 20's, there is still that stigma associated with it. A woman CAN'T just have casual sex! "Kelly, you're wrong, women can be friends with their casual partners". B.S. Sure, all is great until he isn't available when you need him to go to that wedding with you or to that family reunion (you don't want to show up alone) or when you're no longer willing to do the freak nasty that only you know how to do and he tells you, 'I thought we had an understanding'. Or, how about when he starts telling you about his on again-off again ex or some new chick he's starting to dig. Can you be friends with your casual sex buddy then? Nope! Didn't think so.

 Women get emotionally involved. To some extent, that's true...if you're in that single stage of your life where you're dead set on finding 'the one'. If all you obsess about is 'the one', then everyone you come across is potentially that and if you take it to that level and you don't get that 'I want to be with you' vibe, all hell breaks loose. It's not his fault. I'm sure he made it clear that all he wanted was an occassional 'badda-bing, badda-bang' but you heard 'if he keeps coming back, eventually, he'll realize he wants to be with me'. Uhm, no ladies. Not even close. What you should have heard is, 'man, she keeps allowing me to come back so I don't have to make a commitment and if she starts pressuring me, I can just say, I told her I didn't want anything more than what it was'. That, right there.....is the trufe-yep, trufe. Truth just doesn't cut it. Try this quiz out and then come on back and keep reading. I have more to say:

http://quiz.myyearbook.com/myspace/Intimacy/196224/What_does_the_opposite_sex_think_about_you_in_bed.html

You're no longer in your 20's, so no holds barred. You can do whatever the hell you want. If you're a single female who is fine being just that, you can have casual sex and not get all caught up in all the bells and whistles or lack thereof. If he never asks you to go catch a show, you're fine with it. If he wants you to role play and he'll be the professor and you Mary-ann, then why the hell not? You cook for him, he eats and takes care of you and all's good in the hood. But, for some, it's not that simple and ladies, it's not all your fault. Sex ignites chemicals in the brain, chemicals that send messages to your heart, your skin, back to your brain, that makes you feel that 'this time', it's more than just sex. This time, he's realizing he needs you in his life, on a more permanent level. And the problem ladies is that you've taken casual sex to something more. No longer are you just F-ing; you're now making love. You're kissing him and allowing him to kiss you. You're doing things to him that you think will make him want to come back but instead is telling him that you're not worthy to be kept long term. So, take it back a notch chicas and just call a spade a spade; let it be sex and just that. At least that way, you don't feel bad in the morning :-) or in the next two hours when he leaves, if you're so lucky.

"But, Kelly, he stays the night. That has to mean something". No, it doesn't! It simply means he wore himself out and just can't make it out to the car or is banking on getting an early morning, just before work hookup. Don't fall for the ookie-doke. Don't make it more than it is....unless he tells you it is more. Only then, do you let down your guard....a little bit. Not too much. Can't trust them fools :-) LMAO. But seriously, don't try to make something out of a few minutes, an hour if you're so lucky, of something. It's not that serious.

On a more serious note however, let's not make casual sex too casual. Okay, so he shows up every weekend or second Tuesday night. Don't let that  consistency fool you into thinking it's all about you. He's made it clear you're not that special, otherwise he'd commit. And in saying this, let me stress that protection should be at the forefront of all casual sex escapades...all sexual encounters period, unless you're married, of course. I laugh at that last statement.  I'll get into the whole married people having casual sex blog later. Let's focus. Don't allow him or your urges to fool you into not looking out for number one, YOU! Strap him up and then get your buck-wildness on! It's so not worth it and it's so not worth it for someone who has not made it clear that he'll be a permanent stamp in your Life passport. Check it out: http://www.avert.org/casual-sex.htm

It's getting colder; Fall is upon us and then winter. It's prime time for the freaks to start coming out the woodworks. I know my phone is ringing. Men are so predicatable. Just got a call from 'Mr. Sexy and he knows it' and he wants to come watch football with me. Fool, please; first off, you know I don't know squat about football and we haven't seen each other in how long? Oh yeah, since I put you on notice....and here you go. Fine, you are good company and you're delicious to look at but I know my self control. Oh yeah, and Dexter would love to see you ;-) So, come on with it but know that I know what you're up to and if you come over here with anything else 'UP', you'll be leaving with it that way. There's nothing discreet about casual sex. Nothing! And casual sex and infidelity is a whole other kettle of fish. Let's not be naive, we have urges-our eyes stray and few will say that they are 100% faithful. Oh they'll say it alright but when the ish hits the fan and boredom sets in, it's out the window. Or when the realization hits that 'damn, this is really it. He/she is the last person I'm expected to be with?' you start to panic and you foolishly believe the grass is greener on the other side. Little do you know the weeds that lie beneath. And you find out the hard way, when you venture out to have 'casual sex'-because you've convinced yourself that you love your mate and it's just sex with this person. Then all hell breaks loose when one fool falls in love and the other culprit just doesn't give a flying F-fish. I was gonna say fish ;-) Then, casual sex was not so casual afterall. SMH!

So, let's summarize, shall we? .....unless you can handle what comes with it or the opposite, what does not come with it: respect, longevity, companionship and love. K♥ F

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Hooking you up with more info-cause I'm that kinda gal :-)

 http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/health/medical/2010-09-04-casual-sex-relationships_N.htm

When Casual Sex Really Isn't

By Dana Demas, Special to LifeScript

Women trying a love ‘em and leave ‘em approach to sex are losing out, says Laura Sessions Stepp in her book, Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both (Riverhead Hardcover, 2007). And morality has little to do with it.

Having sex releases a different set of chemicals in the brains of women than in men. Women get a large dose of oxytocin, a hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the same oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, so it’s easier for them to love ‘em and leave ‘em, at least biologically speaking. Evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, says Stepp, and that can be confusing in a Sex and the City kind of world.

So if you sometimes feel less than casual after casual sex, don’t beat yourself up. Take it as a lesson learned. Sometimes sex is just sex, but more often than not, it is an emotional affair.



So, that's why I'm single? That makes sense....

Single, black ladies, you've gotta check this out. Okay, you don't have to be single or black to read this. There is something to be said about this piece of literature. Give it a go.
http://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/non-fiction/ralph-richard-banks/marriage-white-people/

You go to school, you work hard, you go to school again. You get that promotion and you keep striving for better. In today's world, that makes you unapproachable or 'un-marryable'. Go figure. So, guys are intimidated by a smart woman. We've been hearing that for a while. What's the kicker is this 'new' finding (okay, not new but now being spoken of). Black women marry beneath themselves. Black women marry men who do not measure up to them simply to get off the single scene and to say that they've got 'someone'. In doing so, they are subject to abuse because, in order for the black man to keep her in check, he has to put her down. He has to convince her that she's not worthy or better otherwise, she would not have been single before he came along. Negro please!

This book states that black women are afraid to step it up and look outside of their race, where it is more likely to find a man more on her level. It has a lot to do with black pride and saving face. I know it sounds ridiculous and to some extent, it is but think about it. White men are more likely to further their education. They're more likely to push for more, to get to the top. I know, I know. There are circumstances that don't allow black men to get to the top-we call it LIFE! On that same note, black men need to strive for more, enhance their education, want more and go get more. You want a strong, educated, intelligent woman? Then, be a strong, educated, intelligent man. Pretty simple, huh? I think so.

On the Doug Banks' morning show, callers made a variety of remarks. One caller said that it had everything to do with culture and slavery. He stated that though women are more intelligent than men, it is due to the fact that they were living in the 'master's' house and was privy to a better type of living. In doing so, the black woman is more likely to be smarter, more intelligent and overall, be more apt to further her education and in turn, make more money. Another caller lamented that black women are too full of themselves and as such can't find a man on their level because men on their level don't want to deal with the 'drama'. 'Two bulls can't reign in the same pen'-Jamaican saying. So, he can't be strong and she can't be strong? How crazy does that sound? You'd think that a strong black man would want a strong black woman-I call that a Powerhouse! But, that's just me. What do I know?! What I do know is that I want it all-I want him strong, intelligent, confident and I can wait-if waiting means that I'll get just that. Yep, I said it!

Well, I will not apologize for being intelligent or wanting more for myself. I make no excuses for not 'settling' just to say I have a man. I've said it before-I love me enough to not settle. I think I'm going to get this book and see what else it entails....if for nothing else, it should make for a few hours of good reading.

I've heard you have to kiss a few frogs before.....

Okay, seriously with the frog kissing already! Getting tired of it. Pretty soon, I'm gonna get warts because I keep running into real toads. I'm a patient person, a happy person, a very non-judgmental person (contrary to popular belief) and I know that 'all things in due time'.

So, today, I was told I was UNIQUE.Here's how I took that. "Kelly, you're different. You're a little tough to handle but one can tell that you have lots to offer and will not stand for mediocrity. You don't just love just to love. You don't just go for anyone simply because they're nice or make you laugh. Kelly, you want it all or nothing." Well, that's what I got out of it. Not sure if that's what he was going for but that's how I'd sum ME up.

Am I a catch? Damn right I am. If I don't think so, how can I expect anyone else to? I'm hilarious, ambitious, intelligent, creative, loving, kind; did I say funny? I'm fun, romantic, witty, beautiful, inside and out and most of all, modest ;-) And that's just off the top of my head. Ladies, listen, you MUST put yourself on a pedestal. It allows the guys to know where you expect to be. Let them aim high and come up to your level. Never go down to theirs-for two reasons: You show that you're worthy and you help him elevate his standards and goals. A definite win-win, right?

I keep meeting fellas, few I'd call potentials, few I let it. I know most of it is me but guess what? I will not change just to say I'm in a relationship. I'm UNIQUE, remember? So, work with me. I know that nothing but good could come from a union with me-if you can get past the moat that is my personality and independence. I will make it clear that I don't need you but want you. You don't have to take care of me, but it would be nice to know that you want to or that if ever I needed you to, you would and could.

Don't get me wrong. I know I've been a frog for some. They've had to go through me to find their princess and I'm glad I could be that learning experience. I know that not everyone will love/like me and be able to or want to tolerate my abrasiveness. And, guess what? I'm okay with that too. All I ask is that you be honest and say so. We're all grown here and, in the least, we may be able to form a friendship from the broken, right? Well, in an ideal world, we could. That's one of the biggies with me. Don't pretend to be something you're not just to impress. Don't assume that because you got me to let down my wall a little that it means you can just stop trying. Uh uh! Gentlemen, always continue to do what you used to do to get the woman in the first place. Stop getting comfortable once you 'think' you've got her. Sheesh!

So, I'm stepping out into the swamp that is the world, in the hope that the next frog I kiss will be my prince. Enough already.

Yes, I went to New York....alone! Why is that so weird?

  

I do a lot of things alone. Wait, I do everything alone. When you're single and independent, you either can't find anyone who can spare the time or spare the money. Nope, I don't have kids either, so all my money is MY money. I do love that, I won't lie but there are times, I wish I had a little two-legged critter to take with me or someone who could understand how I am and still want to come along for the ride. Thought I'd had that but you know how it goes....you think you've found a partner but then reality reveals itself and only one person is trying. Like I said, I don't have that kind of time to waste. If I let you in, trust me....you'll love being there. Just hang in there and understand that I am UNIQUE.

But, I digress. I'm Kelly, over thirty and single. Not the sad single you hear about on the news or watch on sitcoms. I'm okay with being single, simply because I wouldn't be okay with being in a relationship that was making me miserable. I consider myself luckier than many. I don't have to deal with the abuse, the lies, the badgering, the unsurity but I also don't get the family time,those sweet phonecalls (the ones I actually want from the person I actually want them from) the warm body and the 'honey, I'm home.'

Not sure why it bothers me today. I lie. I do know exactly why today but I won't get into that. I'll tell you about the eye-opener I got in NY, in another post (gotta keep you wanting more). Let me tell you about the good part of my trip to NYC. I'd lived in NY for 18 years and moved to Atlanta five years ago. I finally went back, with a little coaxing from someone who'd made quite an impact on my life....but again, long story. I told you I went to NY alone, was there alone, for the most part and I left alone too.

I had a good time. I treated myself to a great hotel, sushi at Blue Fin, another Cirque Du Soleil (Zarkana-the best one yet-thanks for telling me it was in town, Duane). I walked all of Manhattan at night and took countless pictures, all by myself and it wasn't so bad. However, I left NY feeling a little sad but definitely refreshed (had a good night's sleep-so needed). I wish I'd gotten that ostrich burger though, that I'd been craving for five years but I couldn't remember where the spot was and I didn't want to go alone. The plan was to go with......doesn't matter.  Random thought.

Now, I'm back home in Atlanta, getting ready to fly out to work tomorrow and we'll see what I can get into this week, probably nothing much-a movie here or there. I might go to that outlet a coworker told me about. I WILL definitely treat myself to something from Tiffany's-never done that. I'll try to leave my 'tough girl' suit at home this week.  Maybe I can get out of singlehood if I don't appear so abrasive (not sure why people think I'm unapproachable-I'm always smiling) Not that there is a rush to be 'un-single'. I know God is working on my guy so that he is perfect for me. And, in the meantime, HE's given me the means to enjoy me, do me, get to know me, be me. Here I go! Wish me luck and stay tuned.